3 Values I Learned In My Valley of Despair
By Michelle Shirley,
CEO & Chief Heart Officer at Be Strong International
From Feb 2020 to late 2021, it felt like the heavens said, “Let’s kick it up a notch and give Michelle an extra dose of hardship and emotional pain.”
From dealing with the worst possible tragedy someone could imagine, to broken friendships and work woes, it felt like everything that I imagined that would be beautiful and in my favor, instead came to ashes and seemed like a nightmare. I was faced with the death of my baby in childbirth, the resignations of key team members and the end of a long-time friendship. There were times when team members close to me would say, “You should really get some rest. Or if there is anything you want me to do, please let me know, I am here.” While their words comforted me temporarily, deep down, all I could focus on was getting an “undo” button.
“If I had just paid more attention to the baby in my tummy, then maybe she would still be here? If I had paid more attention to the hidden woes of my team, then maybe I could have fixed the culture disruption and nuances that were happening? If I had been more consistent with my response rate to my text messages, then maybe I would have been able to save my friendship.” And the thoughts went on and on.
The reality is that life never guarantees every situation will be perfectly executed in the way that we design it to go. While we know that internal motivation can push you forward and can allow you to achieve the incredible and impossible, there are these untimely moments that creep up on us and force us to go into what I like to call the “valley” phase of life. From the peak of success, we fall into a valley that forces us to think, rethink, ponder, cry, feel despair and maybe even depression because of some incident or situation that shakes our world. What’s really scary is that some people can’t mentally make it out of the valley. They need help, a lifeline.
Everyone needs help in the valley. It could be something so simple as receiving an encouraging word each day or getting a hug, and it especially requires getting time alone to process “what the heck is going on and what should I learn from this right now?” There are so many tools that can help someone navigate through the valley. You just have to know where to look and what to do, so that you can survive it.
I couldn’t undo many of the things that happened. For some situations, I know the heavens may be smiling at what I believe was my best effort to exercise humility and offer apologies to those I hurt without realizing it. What I did learn was three important values that will stay with me forever. (I learned way more than that in the valley, but for the sake of brevity, I’m sharing three).
- Apologize to others and forgive yourself. Do all you can to keep your heart in a place of humility to say, “I’m sorry.” It doesn’t matter if you feel the person “deserves” your apology or not. Having the will to apologize when you are wrong will make you rich in humility and give you blessings in the unexpected times when you may need it most.
- Be Strong. Develop the heart and the mental strength to not be easily offended. Expect that when you make yourself vulnerable, selfless or transparent to others, they may not reciprocate for their own personal reasons. Harboring unmet expectations can lead to bitterness and resentment.
- Practice self-awareness. Become very aware of the areas where you feel broken, while recognizing that at times the situation will not work out as you planned it. But process what you have learned and keep those wisdom nuggets for future experiences. Anyone can move up the career ranks or get noticed quickly with strong skills sets and natural gifts, but the life experience and wisdom that comes through pain and slow gains is priceless and adds much more value to your net worth.
Today, while I feel like I am walking upwards and making my way out of the valley (slowly), I realize it is a temporary place to camp out. Valley experiences can seem long and tiresome but hope and perseverance can be some of the food you need to strengthen yourself during your journey. Most importantly, remember that you are loved and that your life is significant, even when you don’t feel that way.
One of the things that helped me during this time was journaling. It really helped me to release my thoughts and create action steps towards healing during this time of loss. I strongly believe that journaling is an important aspect of the healing journey. It helped me to clear my mind and heart as I faced new challenges each day. If you think that journaling might be helpful to you, our Be Strong Lifestyle Journal can help you navigate life’s valleys and help you recognize the areas where you might feel brokenness. Visit www.bestrongintl.org to purchase yours today.
Stay tuned for more encouragement and continue to be strong my friends…
