Are you a Hater, A Cheerleader of A Collaborator?
By Michelle Shirley
CEO & Chief Heart Officer at Be Strong International
Are you a hater, always comparing yourself to someone else and getting upset when someone else wins? Are you unwilling to find synergies with other entities that would help you accomplish similar goals?
I used to be a hater. I definitely would have joined Haters Anonymous if there was such a thing. I confess that I was a hater when I saw other victories by competitors; I hated the way I felt for hating.
Everyone knows what being a hater means, but we are not all open to saying that we may be practicing “haterism” at some point. Maybe you have never been a hater; that’s a great thing.
I remember nearly 10 years ago when I was voted in by the board to take the reins at Be Strong International, and how excited, nervous, and scared I was. Not only did I have big shoes to fill, but I also had to fill my office with people to do all this community work with very little funding! I had only seven people with me, and we were taking on so much! We had grant requirements to meet, and I had to constantly search for funding to supplement the additional items needed to keep the organization afloat. It was a tough first year, but I was determined to make my predecessor proud.
I remember spending countless nights writing, reading, and researching as I wrote my own grant proposals, only to see a competitor get the same grant I had applied for. To make it worse, I would then look at their website and tell myself how much better they were than Be Strong. I would wallow in sorrow for a day or two before I got back up again. This pattern continued for a few years until I started to realize that this emotional roller-coaster was harmful to my personal and professional growth.
BIRTH OF A HATER
Looking deeper into why I thought this way, I realized that as a kid growing up, I was expected to perform well academically and not bring home anything less than a C. If I didn’t do well, I would definitely walk the plank of sadness when I got home. Feeling this sort of pressure and aiming to be the best never afforded me the space to celebrate someone else’s triumph. Working on this could have helped me be more emotionally stable in the beginning stages of my business.
THE POWER OF COLLABORATION
In the non-profit space, many entities in a local geographic area are competing for the same limited funding as we work toward fixing the social ills that plague our world. I had to change my mindset and know that if someone else came into our space and won funding over us, it was OK. We were still one step closer to getting people the help they needed to live a more prosperous, fulfilling life. That’s what really mattered. And I had to keep that at the forefront of my mind.
As I matured in my role personally and professionally, I came to understand that the need at times was so great, no one agency could ever do it all. I then started to collaborate with others to help meet the needs of the community members who needed help the most.
CHEERING ON THE TEAM
I have realized that there just aren’t enough cheerleaders around who genuinely congratulate leaders, managers, or support team members on their wins or on the impact that their organization is making. I then unknowingly became an advocate for local leaders that I knew, helping them get into a funding pool, assisting with their business needs, and just being a mentor to them without expecting anything in return.
How did this change happen? When I learned four essential lessons:
- It is much more rewarding and fun to help someone else achieve their goals or give them the advice needed to fuel their passion for good!
- It is such a relief to let go and realize that whatever the heavens have aligned for you will be destined for you, and no one can take that away from you. Of course, nothing comes without some faith and hard work on your part, but there is a time when you must realize certain things are out of your control. Work hard and do your best with what you can control and let the heavens decide the rest.
- Being a cheerleader for someone else is one of the best feelings in the world. Even the best leaders need to know sometimes that someone is in their corner. People need to know someone supports them and the hard work they have put into their idea or business. It’s so rewarding to know that your encouraging words can help to give someone the strength they need to keep going and reach their best next level.
- No one person has all the answers. I’ve learned so much through collaboration with other entities. I have done much more service to communities through collaboration than I could ever do alone. No one is an island, especially when it comes to social issues!
I’ve come such a long way into the cheerleader and collaborator status, and I am thankful for the people along the way who have helped me become the beautiful soul and leader that I am today. I’ve made lots of mistakes, but I’ve made lots of friends and I hope that I continue to be a blessing to everyone who comes my way.
