The rising influence of societal issues has negatively affected parenting. Many parents are perplexed about raising their children morally upright without worrying about peer pressure and negative character. There’s a need to nurture a child’s physical, social, moral, and emotional development. One of the advisable ways to do this is by improving the parent-child relationship. Good relationships can help improve your children’s future and reduce home stress. The quality of child and parent relationships is important to children’s development. 

How parents relate to their children can profoundly affect how children develop social and emotional competencies, gain self-control, and learn to solve problems, interact with others, and become responsible adults. Remember the saying, “Charity begins at home”? Yes, it begins at home—how you raise and interact with your kid has a ripple effect on their relationship with others in school, society, and family, and it all starts with you. 

We all want the best for our kids, but it can be challenging to remember when facing a vocal teenager or an immature tween. Do you want to improve your relationship with your children? Here are six proven ways how to do it: 

1. Gain Their Trust. 

Kids are comfortable around people who make them feel easy. One of the best ways to build or improve a healthy relationship with your child is to gain their trust. What does this mean? It requires a two-pronged effort. It means you have to prove to them you are on their side while trying to keep your interactions with them as positive as you can. The side-effect of this is a friendly bond. Your child shouldn’t perceive you as a villain or enemy to conquer. They need to trust and depend on you. 

Children need parents. If your main goal is to be their friend and not their parent, they might not listen to you when you try to influence them. Friends tend to always say yes to us. but sometimes parents need to say “no.” As much as you can, try to remain kind to your children, they’ll get  close and find you easy to talk to. Kids need someone who will listen to them, encourage them and be there for them when things go wrong. If you don’t gain their trust, it’s going to be difficult for them to heed your advice when you give it to them.

Gain your children’s trust and you will see your relationship with them improve.

2. Show them affection and love. 

 One of the most important things parents can do is show affection toward their children. This doesn’t mean hugging them when they’ve just spilled juice on the couch (although that would be nice), but it does mean letting them know they’re important to you by being patient when they’re having a hard time learning or by giving them extra attention when they’ve done something special or complex. Your child needs to feel loved, but it can be challenging to express your love for your child. The best thing you can do is to show affection in many different ways. Hug, kiss, and tell your child you love them daily. Children need to hear this message repeatedly to know you love them.

Young children need physical contact with their parents. They need hugs and kisses and cuddles. They need to hear and know they are loved and valued by their parents, who are the most important people in their lives. Showing love in words and actions builds children’s trust. If you don’t show affection this way, your child will feel unloved or unwanted. This can lead to problems with self-esteem, anxiety, and depression later in life.

3. Be supportive.

Your actions or inactions are a huge deal to your child. Children love to be seen, supported, and celebrated. Say, your child has a competition at school; your presence will mean a lot more than a gift or apology. Be available when they need you and be ready to support their aspiration, fun, academics, extracurricular activities, etc. When praising your child, use descriptive praise. This type of praise includes the reason you are praising them in the actual praise. For example, if you want to let them know you are proud of them because they got a high grade on a test you could say “I’m proud of you for earning an A+ on the test!” instead of “good job!” This way your child will hear what they did to earn them praise. This will increase the probability they will repeat their behavior in the future.

Praising your children also helps build positive relationships because it shows you’re proud of them.

4. Listen actively.

Your children have a lot to say, and they need an adult who will listen to them. They might want advice or someone to hear them out without judgment or interruption. If your child comes to you with a problem, let them know you’re willing and available to hear them. 

Don’t dismiss what they are saying; listen and let them know what they have to say is important to you. When kids feel heard and understood, it makes it easier for them to open up about other things in the future when they need help or advice. A child who finds you trustworthy will tell you all details of their day in school, interaction with friends and other concerns. 

When was the last time you sat with your child to catch up on their week? You can do this over lunch or dinner or during a family hangout. Better still, talk to your child privately. Please don’t assume that living together means seeing or hearing everything, and it doesn’t also translate to quality time. Dedicate ample time to converse, play games and have fun with your kids. Understand that, as they grow, having certain discussions such as puberty, sex and relationship may become difficult. Still, you must find your way around it and make it easy for them to speak by gaining their trust and listening attentively. 

Healthy relationships can occur if you listen and take action. If you consistently interject your conversation with your child without understanding, they will not tell you important things. Learn to listen to their side of the story. Yes, kids have emotions, and they can display them. 

5. Be a good role model. 

Children learn by watching what adults do. If you expect them to do something because they know it’s the right thing. So make sure you’re doing the right thing yourself, and they’ll follow suit. They learn from what you say and do. In fact, they know more from the things you do in their presence. Improving your relationship with your kids requires intentionality. Parents can set a good example by having strong relationships with their parents and siblings. Children learn how to treat others by watching how their parents treat others, including family members and strangers.

Children also learn from what they see parents do daily. If a parent works hard at their job, the child will likely follow suit when it comes time for them to enter the workforce. If the parent takes care of their appearance daily, the child will do likewise.

Children with good relationships with their parents also tend to have better relationships with others. Children learn to interact positively with others through interactions with their parents over time.

Parents should also try discussing issues that may be causing a rift in their relationship with their children so they can come up with solutions together before things get too bad between them. Parents should also be aware of their behavior and strive to ensure it’s consistent with their values. For example, a parent who often yells at people or uses negative words will indirectly make the child think it’s normal behavior.

6. Exercise patience with them.

Kids are special and should be treated as such. Relating with them shouldn’t be forced- an uneasy relationship demoralizes them. Children need boundaries and rules to feel secure and successful in life. While this is true for all children, it is vital for those with special needs or disabilities to require extra support from their parents or caregivers.

 If you want your child to behave well and do what is right, make sure they understand what you require of them at all times. Give them enough time to learn to comply with these expectations without being punished when they don’t follow them immediately (or at all).

CONCLUSION

No one gets a perfect hang of parenting; you learn every day. We have shared some healthy relationship tips to maintain and improve parent-child relationships. Aside from general parenting advice, the best way to enhance parent-child relationships is communication. Communicating with your child not only allows you to teach your child how to interact with others and handle themselves in different situations properly, but it also gives you a chance to learn more about your child’s hopes, aspirations, and worries. 

Ultimately, you must understand your child and not compare them with their siblings or other children. Pay attention and truly listen to your children; you will see what methods work best for improving your parent-child relationships with them. 

Meet other parents right here in Miami-Dade at Be Strong International’s Ready to Talk, a free parent communication workshop to improve interaction, learn heart skills, gain your children’s trust and build a healthy and long-lasting relationship with them. The workshop will help you overcome communication barriers, build healthy relationship skills, and provide practical sessions for raising good and competent kids and teens. 

The workshops are designed to help you raise kids and teens without hassle and guilt while following practical ways and learning from other parents who share great values.

Parents participating in the Ready to Talk parenting workshop will have the opportunity to learn new tactics and heart skills they can apply to raising their children. We give adults the tools and resources to address healthy relationships amongst parents and children while maintaining a non-threatening and supportive environment. These workshops are offered in English, Spanish and Creole.

Join any of the upcoming workshops in Miami-Dade at bestrongintl.org/upcomingevents. 

If you have any questions, you may contact our Parent Facilitators here. 

As a parent of a teenager, this conversation might sound familiar to you:

     “How was your day?”

     “Fine.”

     “That’s it? Just fine?”

     “Yup.”

These one-sided, one-word answer conversations can frustrate parents. We’re going to show you ways to show love to your teen, and get them to open up and communicate with you. 

Teenagers put walls up and are more interested in spending time with their friends than with their parents, and the parents don’t understand how to get their teen to confide in them. Even though you’re angry and frustrated, it’s important to use love and logic with teenagers. And equally important, is the parents’ unconditional love. In this article, we will discuss the following:

• You aren’t alone: Get to know your child’s friends and their parents **
• Single-parent homes where the parent works: Support system is crucial 
• Unique challenges faced by foster families
• Time and listening
• Love between parents: Don’t let teens pit you against each other. Talk through issues and present a united front; be willing to compromise.
• Unconditional love: Be their friend, less authority, more freedom, but not too much.  
• How much freedom is too much?

You’re not alone: Don’t be afraid to ask for help and set up a support network. As a result, this can be mutually beneficial.

A strong support network includes your teen’s teachers, friends and family, your spouse or partner, and the parents of your teen’s friends. Everyone needs a support system; people to listen, professionals to offer advice, and acquaintances who are going through the same struggles that you are, to listen and offer advice and help.

In addition, many communities have parenting support groups. Belonging to a supportive circle of friends can help ease your burden and give you a sense of empowerment.

Get to know your child’s friends and their parents. 

Chances are they are enduring the same struggles. As a result, connecting with the parents of your child’s friends, you can support each other and be part of your child’s life without being overbearing and intrusive. For example, when your daughter is growing through her teen years and you open your home to her friends and get to know their parents as well.

Be Strong International offers some great tips on building strong parent and teenager relationships:

https://bestrongintl.org/programs/the-secrets-to-a-great-parent-and-teenager-relationship/

Love between parents.

Don’t let your teen pit you against each other. Instead, talk about issues and present a united front. Be willing to compromise. Compromise means seeing things from your partner’s point of view and not always assuming that only your opinions are correct. Love between parents, and letting your teen see it, is important to providing a stable environment where your teen feels safe and loved.

Communication and listening skills are equally important.

Parent’s unconditional love towards their teen, along with love and logic, will foster effective communication.

Effective communication begins with listening. Let your teen know it is safe to open up to you. Now is the time to transition from parent to friend. The old adage, “Be their parent, not their friend” is not as effective anymore. Teenagers tend to be rebellious by nature. As a result, too strict parenting at this stage of their lives will often have the opposite effect of what you want. All too often, teenagers run away from home because their parents are too strict. The teen felt that their parents never listened and never tried to understand them. Remember how you felt when you were a teenager? As a result, this may help you better understand and help your teenager navigate the problems of adolescence. 

In addition, giving them more freedom will foster responsibility and a sense of empowerment in your teen. Show love and logic with teens as you set boundaries and explain your reasons.

Be their friend, less authority, more freedom, but not too much.

How much freedom is too much?

How much freedom you give your teen depends on several things like their age or emotional readiness. For example, you wouldn’t give the same amount of freedom to a thirteen-year-old that you would to an eighteen-year-old. This also depends on how much your teen is ready for. Each child is different. Get to know your teen by spending time with them and actively listening.

TeenRehab.org says to expect your teen to push the boundaries. Be ready to explain why you set those boundaries. This is another important reason for you and your partner to show a united front.

Time and listening

Active listening means you don’t prejudge. Here is where you need to transition from parent to friend (as long as they aren’t indulging in risky behavior). This is a fine line to walk, but it is important to reign in your emotions and show love and logic. Teenagers will respond in the same way.

Unique family dynamics such as single-parent homes where the parent works and foster families.

These types of homes are becoming more common: families where the parents have separated or divorced and where one or both parents work. Teenagers who are in foster homes have to deal with a whole distinct set of problems. This issue deserves an entire article dedicated to it, but we’ll cover it briefly here.

Single-parent homes where the parent works

Single-parent homes where the parent works are common. It’s difficult for single parents to keep tabs on their teens, but it’s not impossible. The teen might also feel resentful that their parent is not around as much as they would like. They may also split their time with the other parent, making it difficult for the parents to present a united front if they have different parenting approaches.

Fostering parents often have their own biological children in the home, and it’s difficult to plan for the future, as the fostered teen may only be in their home for a short time before returning to their birth family.

An effective support system is crucial.

Seek help from teachers, after-school program staff, and other parents. Be Strong International also offers tips and resources to help you find the best after-school program for your teen:

https://bestrongintl.org/programs/what-to-look-for-in-the-best-after-school-clubs-for-kids-today/

https://bestrongintl.org/programs/what-3-problems-do-most-single-parents-face/

Unique challenges faced by foster families

Being a foster parent can come with its own set of challenges when it comes to showing love to your and getting them to listen to you. They can include:

• Uncertainty about the future as judges or case workers might decide to send foster children back to their birth family.
• Visits from birth parents and siblings.
• These factors can disrupt the home life of the foster family.

Very Well Family lists more details on the unique challenges of raising foster, the family dynamics, and how to approach them. There is support for families of teens, no matter where you are.

In Conclusion

Finally, be patient. Change takes time. There will still be turbulent times with your teen, but if you show patience, use your support network, and listen with love, you and your teen will develop a stronger and better relationship.

Be Strong International offers a myriad of support and resources to teenagers, parents, and families in Miami-Dade communities. A helpful resource we offer parents of teens is “Raising the B.A.R.”

Raising the B.A.R

Our Raising the B.A.R. program helps support parents and families of teens by providing them with educational workshops, services, and resources to raise happy and healthy teens. 

For more information and to register for a workshop, visit Parent Workshops Calendar

Key Takeaways

Here are the key takeaways from this article:

• Communication 
• Active listening without prejudging 
• Unconditional love with teens 
• Support system
• Establish boundaries

It’s a great thing when people want to make a difference in their communities. Whether you live in South Florida or are new to the community, having an interest in its well-being and the lives of the fellow residents can be an amazing experience. It will enrich your life, familiarize you with your community, and connect you to people and ideas that can positively impact your perspective for the rest of your life.

Additionally, helping your community is an opportunity for you to grow as a person, and to better understand how you fit into the world around you. Furthermore, in South Florida, there are many ways you can make a difference in the community. You can shop locally, volunteer your time, donate (clothes, food, or money), become a mentor, etc. The list is endless but find a cause you are passionate about.

For instance, helping the people in the community.

Helping the People in Your Community

Without a doubt, volunteering is a wonderful opportunity to help the people in your community. Volunteers play an integral part in the community. Without volunteers, many of the services and events that we need and enjoy in our communities would not be so readily available. Giving back to the place you call home helps to unite the community and bridge some of the social, economic, and political gaps.

Your South Florida community is made up of many different families; some of whom need support. These families face challenges such as homelessness, poverty, behavioral problems with youth, and family problems such as; single-parent homes, parenting issues, child neglect, and abuse. Reaching out and volunteering your time and resources (food, clothes, money) to community organizations and/or services geared towards helping those in situations such as these go a long way to making a difference in their lives.

An organization that’s spearheading the cause of bettering the lives of South Florida families and youth is Be Strong International. Be Strong is a non-profit organization which provides services and resources to build healthy parent-child relationships and go from brokenness to wholeness.

Let’s talk about the broken families in South Florida communities and how you can make a difference in their lives.

From Brokenness to Wholeness

Volunteering provides a great way to get to know your community and its citizens. Additionally, it will help you to better understand the circumstances of other members of your community. Having a broad, open-minded perspective of the different walks of life around you will help you to be an effective and empathetic citizen.

There are people and youth in South Florida who come from broken families –– divorced parents, single parents. This is a social issue that has too often been ignored in the communities and unfortunately creates generational patterns. Parents and children of broken families often experience financial and economic hardships, mental health issues, lack of educational resources, marital issues, etc.

According to a report by the Heritage Foundation, broken families tend to earn less and experience lower levels of educational achievement. Consequently, they pass the prospect of meager incomes and family instability on to their children, ensuring a continuing if not expanding cycle of economic distress. Fortunately, the federal government and states and local communities can play important roles in changing this culture to ensure that all children reach their full income potential.

This is where you can begin to make a difference. Donating your time to support those around you is extremely beneficial, both for you and your community. It has been statistically proven that people who volunteer regularly are healthier both physically and mentally.

Helping organizations within your community that support these broken families –– becoming a mentor, volunteering your time, donating money, food, and clothes –– can change the economic trajectory and future of these families. Going from brokenness to wholeness.

Be Strong International

There are so many important causes out there that always need volunteers to support the work they’re doing. As mentioned previously, Be Strong International is a non-profit organization that’s on mission to help South Florida parents and youth go from brokenness to wholeness –– And you can be a part of it.

Be Strong offers resources to help parents and youth develop and maintain healthy relationships with each other and with those they interact with outside the family. They have Parent education programs and marriage workshops for couples. Teens and adolescents can participate in fun groups that focus on character development, healthy peer relationships, and other topics of concern.

Be Strong has served 230,000 South Florida community members, students, and parents, including:

• 5,175 parents trained annually on healthy communication
• 7,684 middle and high school students taught in 2020/2021
• 5,000 families fed through the Be Strong & Project P.E.A.C.E monthly food drive

Be Strong’s holistic educational services follow the principles established by education pioneer Maria Montessori, who believed that learning is affected by emotions and social relationships. Students learn most effectively when their whole self is considered – from their physical health to their emotional stability. A child who’s hungry or whose home life is unstable cannot learn as effectively as one whose basic needs are being met. They must also trust their teacher. It’s this holistic perspective that is the foundation of Be Strong’s programs.

Be Strong’s programs include:

Project H.O.P.E.

Most teens and young adults want to make the right choice when faced with temptations like drugs and risky sexual behavior, but they don’t know how. Project H.O.P.E. is an interactive workshop that helps them make the right decisions. Middle and high school students learn to make informed decisions about healthy relationships, character development, careers, and financial literacy. The program uses real-life situations to better prepare participants for facing them when they come up.

Marriage Matters

It really is possible to have an easy marriage if both partners respect each other and communicate in a healthy, positive manner. Marriage Matters helps couples learn to do just that with relationship counseling and marriage seminars that aim to resolve or prevent marriage problems. Marriage is about giving to each other. When couples focus on this principle, all other aspects tend to emerge or improve marriage relationships.

Raising the B.A.R. Parenting Alliance

Raising the B.A.R. is a parenting education program for caregivers that teaches evidence-based strategies for raising happy, healthy children. It’s offered through The Children’s Trust, which supports programs that improve the lives of children and families. The program helps families develop and maintain healthy relationships. Topics include:

• Positive Parenting
• Raising Confident, Competent Children;
• Raising Resilient Children;
• Raising Responsible Teenagers;
• Raising Competent Teenagers,
• and Getting Teenagers Connected.

How You Can Help Be Strong

Here’s how you can help Be Strong and make a difference in your South Florida community. Be Strong has two great ways you can help bring South Florida families from brokenness to wholeness:

Donate

Help Be Strong reach its goal of raising $300,000 in its 30th year. Click here to make a one-time or recurring gift.

Volunteer

Even if you only donate a few hours of time each month, you will be making a huge difference in the lives of your community members who are in need. Click here to Volunteer!

Volunteers are needed to:

• Assist during community events (e.g., handing out food boxes).
• Prepare care packages.
• Register candidates for sessions.
• Help with other areas.

For more information on joining Be Strong’s amazing Volunteer Team, contact the Volunteer Coordinator directly at 305-969-7829.

Once, you and your child felt like best friends. You played together, laughed together, shared sports or hobbies together. They seemed to look up to you, often bringing their friends to the house.

Then, you suddenly became the enemy. What happened?
Your child became a teenager, that’s what.

Starting around age 13 – but often sooner – children begin growing into adulthood by pulling away from their parents. Unfortunately, this sometimes seems to take the form of outright rejection of everything they once loved about your family.

It doesn’t have to be that harsh. When you understand why your teen is pulling away, you can take steps to build a healthy parent-child relationship even when your child is a teenager.

It’s Normal to Have Conflicts with Your Teen

First, understand that it’s normal for teens to go their own way without you. Even in healthy relationships, these can be rough years. In fact, it’s really a sign of a good parent-child relationship when the child pulls away, and the parent lets them find their new place in the world.

Think of this as your teen’s practice for adulthood. One day they will really be on their own. If they haven’t had any experience with independence, their natural development will be delayed.
But this doesn’t mean they don’t need you as a parent; they need you even more. They will make mistakes and fail; they will make bad decisions. You must be there to help them learn and hope they don’t repeat them.

It’s a delicate balance; being there for your child but still letting them make mistakes and learn for themselves. You’ll get through it more successfully if you remember that your child is not being defiant just to be defiant. At the same time, you cannot make your role in the parent and child relationship be about power. The days are over when you could tell your child to do something “because I said so.” Maintaining a healthy relationship is about recognizing and respecting each other’s points of view.

It’s not a power struggle, but you still have to be willing to give up some control.

Helping Your Teen Find Their Independence

For parents, this can be the hardest part of the teen years. You’ve made every decision in your child’s life – from the clothes they wore to the food they ate and the friends they played with. It wasn’t your choice – it would have been irresponsible of you not to take charge of these things.

Now you’re being asked to give up the decision-making to someone with no experience.

Building a healthy parent-teen relationship is a lot like when you taught them to ride a bike. You probably did this by holding the bike and running alongside it as they figured out how to find their balance. Then, after a few minutes, as you realized they were ready to ride alone, you let go and watched them pedal away from you.

It was a proud moment. And a scary one. What if they really weren’t ready after all? What if they fell off and got hurt? What if they rode too far, crossed into an intersection, and got hit by a car?

If you’ve prepared them and yourself properly, these concerns won’t be real hazards. For example, you probably didn’t just let your child ride off alone; you ran alongside them, not holding the bike but being close by if they needed you. You were there to grab the bike if they started to cross into the intersection or stop them if their brakes failed or forgot how to use them.

You may find it’s hard to know when to pull away completely; your teen may feel like you don’t trust them if you hover too close. Many adolescents complain that their parents don’t let them be themselves but expect them to conform to a particular image and plan for their lives. Maybe the parents want their child to pursue a specific career or the parents’ choice of college. These plans may even be something the family has agreed on for years, but suddenly the teen has changed their mind.

It’s difficult, but you must accept that your teen is an individual capable of making good decisions about their life can be challenging. Still, you must do it. You can still guide their choices and be there to offer advice. In fact, you may find that the less control you try to exert, the more they will seek your help.

Resolving Parent-Teen Conflicts

Should you expect your struggles with your teen to last forever – or until they leave home? Sometimes you may feel the conflict will never end, but it is possible to reduce the friction. Most of that responsibility falls on you, of course.

Success begins when you realize that it’s your child’s job to grow up, which means growing away from you. It’s your job to help them achieve independence, the way you once helped them learn to walk and talk; they walked away from you, and they said things you didn’t always like, but you both did your job.

If you find your relationship issues are harder to resolve, you may need professional help. It may be time to seek family counseling, or you may just want to take some parenting classes.

One source of help is Be Strong International’s parenting education program, Raising the B.A.R. Parenting Alliance. Raising the B.A.R. (Budding Adult Relationships) is a free parenting workshop program that helps caregivers learn how to raise happy, healthy children. It offers workshops through The Children’s Trust, which supports community programs improving the lives of children and families.
Raising the B.A.R. parenting workshops cover discipline, self-esteem, social media safety, family involvement, and similar issues. Sessions include the teen-focused Ready to Talk, which analyzes attitudes, perceptions, practices, and the decision-making processes of both parents and teens about sexual activity.

Even with professional help, you’re bound to feel some stress from the changes in your parent-child relationship. But, you’ll find it’s worth going through. In the end, you may find your connection will be stronger and more rewarding. There’s nothing like sharing time with your adult children, who’ve become strong, independent people because you let them find their way.

Once you understand how normal it is for your teen to test you and even reject you, you can relax and enjoy watching them grow toward adulthood. (Yes, there will be some enjoyable moments.) Your adolescent will probably survive the teen years and turn out just fine – and so will you.

Healthy Relationship Tips for Parents and Teens

Try these five ways to strengthen your relationship with your teen:

Give them some space.

Your teen wants and needs to spend time apart from you and the family, building friendships and developing their sense of self. And face it: You just aren’t cool. So treat them like the adult they’re becoming and show them you trust them to act apart from you. Just stay aware of who they’re hanging out with and what they’re doing, because they’re bound to make some mistakes.

Understand that your relationship has probably changed.

Part of growing up is breaking away from old relationships. Remember when you used to call your teen by a funny nickname and all the good-natured teasing you used to do with each other? Well, that’s over – or soon will be. Respect the fact that your pre-teen is now a full-fledged teenager and probably doesn’t go for all that silly stuff anymore. Be especially aware that yesterday’s harmless teasing could be today’s humiliating insult for a sensitive teen.

Keep spending time together.

Your teen is still part of your family, and, believe it or not, they do want to spend time with you. It makes them feel more secure, knowing their family cares about them. It also gives them a safe space to relax and not worry about having to show how cool they are. Sharing meals, going on family vacations and outings, or watching TV together can strengthen your bonds.

Show interest in what they’re doing.

Ask them about school or work, sports if they’re into that, or hobbies they’re pursuing. Make sure you’re expressing genuine interest and engaging with them authentically; otherwise, your questions will seem like an interrogation. They’ll wonder why you suddenly care what they’re doing. If they still don’t want to talk, despite your sincere approach, back off until they’re ready.

Stop talking and just listen.

Be open to your teen talking to you about what’s on their mind or just chatting about the day’s events. Let them lead the conversation. If they come to you with a problem, don’t jump in with a solution or assume they’re looking for one. Instead, respond empathetically, showing them you understand their situation. Even if they ask for an answer, try to guide them to find it themselves; that’s what they’re really asking for.

To see our upcoming events click here.

For more information about our programs click here.

Miami, FL – Be Strong International’s (BSI) Raising the B.A.R. (Budding Adult-Child Relationship) program has been awarded a grant of $2,475 from the Cutler Bay Community Fund at The Miami Foundation.

“The Cutler Bay Community Fund aims to establish partnerships that help improve the quality of life of residents in our community, and support local nonprofit organizations,” said Cutler Bay Town Manager Rafael G. Casals. “We are proud to fund Be Strong International, Inc.’s award-winning parenting program and look forward to their success in our community.”

The funds, which cover the period of March 2021 to February 2022, will further support the program’s outreach efforts, delivery of services, and purchase of materials needed to host their parent workshops. Currently, Raising the B.A.R. workshops are being offered exclusively online due to the COVID-19 public safety restrictions. Still, nearly 1,000 more workshops were offered in 2020 than in 2019. In all, an estimated 2,276 parents have been served.

“The workshops we offer will empower parents with the techniques designed to reduce their stress levels.”, says BSI parent workshop facilitator Ezra Carias. “Their children will grow in a nurturing environment so they can become the best version of themselves while at the same time bringing happiness to their parents.”

Raising the B.A.R.’s mission is to provide educational services and resources to parents, caregivers, and families, helping them develop and sustain healthy relationships. Workshops are available in English, Spanish, and Creole, during flexible hours, including afternoons, evenings, and weekends. Sponsored and organized by The Children’s Trust Parent Club, the courses are meant to enlighten parents on some of the most common, relevant issues facing modern parents, including parenting during the pandemic.

For inquiries about our Raising the B.A.R. workshops visit bestrongintl.org or to arrange an interview, contact Nicholas Fernandez at nicholas@bestrongintl.org.

Model the Behavior You’d Like to See in Your Child

Children’s behavior often mimics their parents’. You’ve probably noticed this yourself. Does your child ever “play dress-up” in your clothes? Do they watch you very closely when you’re doing something they’re trying to learn to do? We like to think they’re copying us because they admire us. That’s one reason. But it’s more basic than that.  Research has shown that children imitate their parents so they can learn how to behave in the world. But remember, they will copy everything you do – even the bad things. Model the behavior you’d like to see and avoid letting them see what you don’t want them to copy.

Parents’ Influence on Children’s Behavior 

For children, imitation is not a form of flattery. Child behavior experts say it’s more like practice. “Imitation is vital to the development of abilities ranging from language to social skills,” explains Lisa Nalven, M.D., a developmental and behavioral pediatrician, in the online magazine Parents.

Imitation does start as imitation in early childhood, Nalven says. “Mimicry begins at birth – many newborns, for instance, copy facial movements such as sticking out their tongue. But age 1 marks the beginning of true imitation, or imitation with intent.” 

That’s when imitation starts to mean something, agrees Howard Klein, M.D., director of behavioral pediatrics at Sinai Hospital in Baltimore. “A 1-year-old understands that the actions he’s copying have a significance,” he notes in the Parents article.

Parents’ effect on children’s behavior is surprisingly strong.  In an Australian study,  researchers found children “over-imitating” parents. The parents demonstrated how to open a box and added unnecessary steps that had nothing to do with the task. The children did everything they had seen, including the unnecessary steps.

In similar studies, dogs and chimps only did the steps needed to complete the task.

“Animals focus on getting the job done,” explains Mark Nielsen, a psychologist at the University of Queensland in Brisbane, Australia. “Humans seem to almost forget about the outcome and copy everything we see.”

Children with Behavior Problems

That’s why it’s so important to model the right behavior. Your children will not just imitate the good things you do. They will also copy the bad things.

That’s what researchers discovered in the “Bobo doll” studies. Children watched adults play with a doll. Sometimes the adults treated the doll lovingly. Sometimes they hit it with a hammer. Each group of children treated the doll the same way they had seen the adults in their group.

Albert Bandura, the lead scientist in the Bobo studies, used the findings to form his “social learning” theory of child development. The theory says we learn how to behave from others in our environment – not by doing as they say but by doing as they do. 

We can’t blame ourselves for every behavior problem our children have. A child may misbehave because of serious emotional or psychological problems. Other people also influence our children’s behavior. Many struggling parents today are so busy working to support their families, they may not be a great presence in their children’s lives. 

But parents are the most important part of their development. No matter how much or how little time we spend with them, we exert the greatest influence. We have to be careful what we let them see us doing. 

Modeling Behavior for Children 

If we don’t want our children to start smoking or engaging in other unhealthy behavior, we can’t engage in that behavior. If we don’t want them to treat other people unkindly, we can’t let them see us being unkind. “Do as I say, not as I do” teaches nothing but hypocrisy.

But we have to do more than just not let them see our bad behavior. We have to eliminate the behavior from our own life. Don’t just quit smoking around your children. You have to quit smoking, period. (They’ll probably smell the evidence that you’re still smoking anyway.)

You may have to do more than change your behavior. The longer you’ve engaged in an undesirable behavior, the more attention you have to bring to the improved one.

If you’ve smoked for many years, your children have probably gotten so used to it they don’t even notice it anymore. They might not notice when you stop, either. Announce that you’ve quit and tell them you finally realized how dangerous it was to everyone’s health, including theirs. 

If you decide you must change your behavior, take the opportunity to explain to your children that no one is perfect.  Explain to them that you’re trying to change some flaws you have found in yourself. Let them see that everyone makes mistakes but they can fix them and change. 

Every child should know that their parents are not perfect. It gives them permission to be imperfect themselves – while also showing them it’s possible to change.

Setting a Good Example for Children

We can’t control everything our children are exposed to, but there are ways to increase the chances that we’re giving them good role models.  

Know Where Your Child Spends Their Time

Be as careful about the people and situations you expose them to as you would when it comes to their physical safety.

Be Alert for the Good

Notice your child’s good behavior and praise them for it. When you see others doing good, point that out too.

Don’t Ignore the Bad

When you see misbehavior in your child or other people, use it as an opportunity to teach right and wrong. Explain why the behavior is not acceptable. Be sure they understand what should have happened instead.

Make Good a Habit

Don’t just act right when the children are around. Do the right thing whether anyone is watching or not. Make the desired behavior an honest part of your life, even when your children aren’t around. Model good behavior at all times, and before long it will become second nature – and you’ll never have to change your actions when the children appear.

How to Teach Children the Value of Following Rules

The process of learning to follow rules begins at home, in early childhood. Parents are their children’s first teachers and this is one of the important lessons they can teach them. Home is where children learn about what rules are, why they are important and how to follow them. Teaching children the value of following rules begins by helping them to understand what rules are and why we have them.

Why Do Children Need Family Rules?

Family rules have two purposes: They create order and structure in the family, and they prepare children for the world outside the family.

Knowing this, Be Strong International focuses on helping our families to teach their children about following rules. Again and again, we’ve discovered that children are hungry for structure in their lives. In programs like the Raising the B.A.R. Parent Club, we help parents to see that rules aren’t about controlling rules to control their children but to help them understand what behaviors they expect and will accept. 

The first lesson is that it’s a world full of rules. Children need to know how to follow them and get along with the world once they leave the safety and security of their parents. They learn this with clear, simple statements about acceptable behaviors, which also state the consequences of not following the rules. Rules help children learn the difference between right and wrong, by giving them limits to test. This is what challenging behavior in children is all about. Children misbehave because they need to know just how far they can go before they face consequences. It’s an important part of child emotional development.

In other words, rules prepare children for the world outside the family and help them learn how to obey the rules they will encounter there. To teach your children the value of following rules, start by making them an active part in creating the rules they will follow.

What’s the Best Way to Teach Children About Family Rules?

Involving children in the rule-making process is one of the best ways to teach them its importance, writes Thomas Gordon, founder of the groundbreaking Parent Effectiveness Training program. Giving children an active role in setting rules has several positive results, according to Gordon:

Children feel better about themselves, have higher self-esteem and self-confidence. Most important, they feel they have gained more “fate control” – more personal control over their own lives. They also feel they are equal members of the family with an equal voice in making decisions and establishing rules – they’re part of a team, not second-class citizens. This means that families that function collaboratively and democratically will have closer and warmer relationships than those in which the adults act as bosses or authorities expecting the children to obey the rules made for them.

In fact, parents’ effect on children is so strong that they’re more likely to accept rules if you bring them into the process and make them part of the team. 

Write Your Family’s Rules

Putting this into action, psychotherapist Avidan Milevsky, Ph.D., says families should not just create rules but a formal  constitution, a document similar to the official constitution that created the United States’ system of government. “Having a family constitution assists children in the family in understanding the rules that govern all family dynamics including sibling interactions,” Milevsky writes in Psychology Today. He recommends creating a document that covers major issues the family contends with, such as how siblings will interact with each other and how much TV everyone should watch. 

Now let’s take a look at how the process should take place. What kind of rules should you be writing?

What Makes a Good Rule?

To begin with, the number and kind of rules your family writes depend on how old the children are. Toddlers can probably only understand and remember two or three rules; pre-schoolers, not many more. 

Keeping this in mind, be smart about the rules you set. They should be:

• Specific and objective. “Be nice” isn’t helpful. “Don’t hit people” says exactly how you want the child to act. It’s easy to tell when the child breaks the rule.
• Clear and concise. The younger the child, the shorter the rule should be.
• Age-appropriate. Expecting a 5-year-old to remember and follow 10 or 20 rules isn’t realistic, while a teen-ager should be able to handle more complex ones.   

How to Set Family Rules That Work

The most effective rules are those that everyone agrees on and understands. They also have to make sense for your family. Take the time to think carefully about them. Here’s how to set smart family rules:

Identify Your Family’s Values

First, decide what kind of family you want to be. Look at things like how strict you want to be, how important your children’s education is, how you want to spend time together and whether to limit TV watching and online activity. 

Agree on the Rules

Next, have a family meeting to talk about the rules everyone will follow. Bring up the values you’ve identified and ask the children what values they want to uphold. Write rules that will support those values. 

Agree on Consequences

During the meeting, talk about what should happen if someone doesn’t follow a rule. Tailor the consequences to the severity of the offense and the age of the rule-breaker. If your 5-year-old “forgets” to put away their toys, you might take away their favorite toy for a few hours. If your teen-ager skips school, you might ground them for a few days. 

Enforce and Reinforce

Finally, once you’ve all agreed on consequences, follow through and enforce them. Consistency and timing are the keys to success here. Enforce consequences every time someone breaks a rule and as soon as you’re aware of the offense. Haphazard enforcement sends the message that you don’t care or even that you’ve rescinded the rule.

When your child follows a rule correctly, be sure to point it out and praise them. This not only makes them feel good about themselves, but it also reinforces the reason for the rule. “You put away your toys without being asked! Won’t it be great to know exactly where your stuffed bear is the next time you want to play with him?”

If they don’t follow the rule, point it out but focus on the behavior and its results. “You didn’t empty the dishwasher this morning like you were supposed to. Now you’ll have to wait a little longer for dinner because we can’t set the table yet.” (Bonus points for focusing on how the broken rule directly affects the rule breaker.)

Follow the Rules Yourself

It’s not just fair but it also avoids confusion. How can you enforce a rule against using screens at the dinner table if you’re checking your email between bites? If you don’t think a rule makes sense for you, an adult – a set bedtime or a curfew, for instance – don’t assume it’s “obvious.” Include the exception in the rules.

Following Rules for a Better World

As we’ve pointed out, rules bring order to your family and make it easier for everyone to live together. But we don’t have rules just to keep our homes clean and to have quiet dinners togethe. When you teach your child the value of following rules, you are teaching them how to get along in the world and how to value themselves as an important contributor to a better family and a better world.

Be Strong International has a wide variety of programs and services to help your family grow stronger together. Contact us today.

Single-parent families face many problems, from financial struggles to custody issues and conflicts with their children’s other parent. Without a partner to share the load, it can seem even harder. The most common problems are about money, time and child-rearing concerns; there’s never enough of the first two and too much of the third. But with a good support system, you can overcome many of these problems and build a stronger, happier family.

Single Parenting Today

About 24 million U.S. children under 18 live with an unmarried parent, according to the Pew Research Center. This includes children whose parents both live with them but aren’t married to each other.  About 15 million live with only a single mother and 3 million with only a single father. The Pew Center predicts that because of increasing divorce rates, more than 1 in 5 children born within a marriage will experience their parents breaking up by the time the children are 9 years old. 

Common Problems of Single-Parent Families

Single-parent families come in all varieties. Many are highly educated. Many never finished high school. Some are rich and some barely make minimum wage. But they share some common problems.

Financial Problems

Pew reports that 30% of single mothers and their families are living below the poverty line, compared to 17% of single-father families. Money problems start almost as soon as one parent moves out. If both parents are working outside the home, the split will sharply reduce income for both. But money problems hit harder for the custodial parent. Usually, that’s the mother: 

• If she was a full-time homemaker, she might get alimony and child support. But she’ll have to pay income tax on the alimony, while her ex-husband can get a tax deduction for his payments. Many single mothers have trouble collecting child support. They often give up even when their ex owes them thousands of dollars.
• She may have trouble finding or keeping a job that pays well enough to properly support herself and her children. A woman who had been working before the divorce may have to cut back her hours or turn down higher-paying assignments without a partner to pick up the slack.
• Parents whose spouse has died have even fewer options than the divorced single parent. Most widowed parents don’t inherit generous estates or life insurance benefits that make them independently wealthy – or even comfortable.

Time Problems

Parents never seem to have enough quality time to spend with their children. Time feels even scarcer for single parents. 

• The custodial single parent’s day often begins with a morning scramble to get everyone up, clothed, fed, and out of the house for school or work. After a day on the job, they hustle everyone to after-school activities. They come home and manage dinner while supervising homework. They catch up on laundry and other household chores after everyone is in bed – assuming they just go to bed without constant interruptions. The day is even more chaotic if the parent has to work a second job.
• Life isn’t as chaotic for the non-custodial single parent. But time is still a problem. They get to see their children for only a few hours a week. To make the most of those few hours, they might try to over-stuff the weekend or evening with “meaningful” activities. Single-parent families can lose valuable bonding time while adjusting to the start and end of their visitation. The children may see the non-custodial parent as an outsider, not part of their family anymore.

Child-Rearing Issues

These are the toughest problems for many single-parent families. 

• The custodial parent has to make most child-rearing decisions alone. They can’t consult the other parent for support on day-to-day problems and concerns. If they’re divorced because of abuse or other risky behavior, they may want to avoid the other parent completely. 
• The custodial parent may also feel like “the bad guy” who enforces rules and makes other difficult decisions, while the other parent is “the fun one” who serves ice cream for dinner, showers the kids with gifts, and seems to let them do whatever they want. The children’s return from a weekend with a fun dad or mom can be a tense, upsetting time for everyone.
• Disagreements over child-raising questions can turn into angry confrontations. No matter how hard you try to protect your children from fights like these, they’re almost always aware of them – a stressful position to put them in. 
• It’s tempting to turn children against the other parent and use them as weapons even after the divorce is final. Children can become “spies” who are expected to report everything they see when with the other parent. Is she dating anyone? Does he ever drink in front of you? 

Solutions

There are many resources out there to help your single-parent family succeed. Here are some strategies to try now:

Gain Financial Control

• Figure out where your money is going. Track your expenses for one month – everything. At the end of the month, look at the list and see what you can eliminate or reduce. If you eat lunch out every workday, can you brown bag it two or three days a week? Put the money you save into a savings account for emergency expenses.
• Use your expense list to set up a budget. But be realistic. Don’t decide you’ll never eat out again, or vow to save $100 a month, unless you honestly think you can do it. 
• Do you deserve to treat yourself? Of course you do! Should you treat yourself? Only if you can pay cash. The credit-card interest on a new pair of shoes bought “just because” may last longer than the shoes. Save credit cards for true emergencies.
• Be honest with your children about your financial circumstances. If money is tight, let them know. Don’t scare them or make them feel guilty. Be as positive you can be without sugarcoating it. “It’ll be tough but I’m doing all I can to get us through this” is a good approach.

Create a Support Network

• Ask friends and neighbors for emergency childcare backup when your ex can’t (or won’t) step up.
• Join a single-parent support group in your community, where you can talk things through and learn helpful strategies from other single parents. Community-based agencies like Be Strong International can help you find one and offer a wealth of other resources – many of them free or low-cost. Be Strong offer a Raising the B.A.R. Parent Club, which is a free program for parents who need advice and support.
  
• Enlist your children to help you with household tasks – as long as they’re age-appropriate. They’ll learn responsibility and will enjoy feeling like your ally. Do tasks together to give yourself a little more time with them.

Give Yourself a Break

You’ll make mistakes as a single parent, but don’t beat yourself up. Ask for help when you need it and move on. The only person who expects you to be perfect is . . .  you.