Top 10 Tips For Single Parents

Are you a single parent? If you are, it turns out you’re in good company. Single-parent families are very common, and as a single mom or dad, we here at Be Strong International (Be Strong) want you to feel empowered and know that there is nothing to be ashamed of when leading a single-parent life. 

According to the Pew Research Center Fact Tank, almost a quarter of U.S. children under the age of 18 live with one parent and no other adults. That means 23% of the country’s children live in single-parent homes.

While raising a child can be difficult under any circumstance, it is well recognized that it can be harder when you’re doing it on your own.

Whether divorced, separated, widowed, or simply being a single parent by choice, it can equal being encumbered with various commitments and responsibilities that include emotional, financial, and social bearings. These can have a negative impact on anybody’s well-being, as well as that of their children and dependents. However, Be Strong is here to support single parents in many ways through programs, events, and games. We are a non-profit organization in South Florida that has worked with youth and families here for 30 years.

With demanding work schedules and life having a way of throwing curve balls, what is most important is how you, as a mom or dad, maneuver single parenthood gracefully.

There can sometimes be talk about single-parent families’ having issues and the disadvantages to the youth and society, but focusing on the weaknesses and problems doesn’t help single parents and their children become stronger individuals. At Be Strong, we provide parents and children with tools to make better decisions about their lives. This can help lead to a more promising future for you, your children, and your community.

Let’s explore how being a strong and strategic single parent can be advantageous to your children and your community because, as single parent Meg Lowrey puts it, “Being a single parent is not a life full of struggles, but a journey for the strong.”

Why being a strong single parent is important

• Confidence goes a long way:

  When you have confidence in what you are doing and how you are parenting, your children will feed off that energy and learn by example. In turn, they too will have the ability to become assertive and driven individuals that will surely play valuable roles in their communities.

• Self-sufficiency:

  It’s great to have the help of a partner, but if you don’t have the assistance of another individual to help you with raising your children, developing an independence model that works for you and your family will be beneficial for you in the long term for the creation of goal achievements and financial stability.

• Breaking the cycle:

  Once you empower yourself as a single parent to be the best you can be, it helps to create generational stability for your offspring and their offspring, empowering them towards a successful life.

• The right choice:

  Being the most empowered parent you can be is the best thing you can do for yourself and your family to make positive choices.

Top 10 tips for single parents

It’s not an easy road, but you are willing to do what it takes to be the best parent you can be for your children. We here at Be Strong have compiled a list of 10 tips to help you navigate the sole responsibility of parenthood.

1. Plan in advance:

   Planning is essential and organization is key. Try to coordinate and manage as much as you possibly can in advance for everything, including lunches, school clothing, trips, extracurricular activities, play dates, and homework. Once you are organized, it will help make life easier for both you and your children go smoother.

2. Save your coins:

   We can’t emphasize enough the importance of saving for a rainy day. For example, try to put away a small portion a month and get advice on your finances, because children can be expensive and emergency funds will always come in handy. Our Strong Money Mentality program for adults helps build better decision-making skills with regard to finances.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask for help:

   Don’t let pride get in the way of asking for assistance from time to time. If you need help asking friends and family to lend a hand with babysitting, school runs, and other things you might need for your children to thrive, do so. And remember, Be Strong is here for you.

4. Build a support system and community:

   There is so much power in community, and having a good support system as a single parent is vital. Join single parent communities like those available at Be Strong or online groups to interact with other single moms and dads on how to navigate single parenthood. Also, lean on family and friends to support you when needed.

5. Self-care is the best care:

   You know the adage, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.” As a single parent, you need to ensure that you are taking care of yourself to take care of your children. Exercise, get enough sleep, make time for spa days, meditate, and/or have a girls’ or guys’ night out on occasion. Do things that fuel your soul to be the best parent you can be.

6. Create routines and traditions:

   Structure is important. Try to be as consistent in your daily life as possible, creating routines. Ideally, do something or create activities that both you and the children can count on doing daily or weekly that will spark joy and keep you connected on a different level. Examples are praying, meditation, playing car games like ‘I Spy’ on the way to school, or creating designated days of the week for a fun dinner night: Taco Tuesday or pizza night will be just right.

7. Love not war:

   If there happens to be another parent in the mix, please make it a point to never criticize the other parent in front of your children. Children are sponges and don’t need the negativity of hearing bad things about their other parents. Work on heart skills together. Take the high road as best as you can.

8. Empower yourself:

   You are doing a good job, and don’t let anybody tell you differently. Learn new skills and even take classes that can assist you on your journey of being a single parent. Remember, you are never too old to learn something new.

9. Don’t let guilt consume you:

   Don’t spoil your children in an effort to make up for being a single parent. It’s a recipe for disaster. Ensure they keep up with their chores and adhere to the rules that are set out. Praise them when they do the right things, but don’t fall victim to the guilt of being a single parent and letting your children have their own way.

10. Say sorry:

    Children learn from examples. Yes, you are the parent, but make it a point to be honest with your kids and apologize to them when you are wrong for your mistakes. Respect goes both ways.

Be Strong Parents

We know that being a single parent isn’t always easy and good help can be hard to come by, so if you need advice or help, Be Strong is always here for you. Our parenting education program, Raising the B.A.R. Parent Alliance, is a helpful resource. 

Raising the B.A.R. (Budding Adult Relationships) is a free parenting workshop program designed to teach parents and caregivers how to raise happy, healthy children. It provides workshops through The Children’s Trust, which funds neighborhood initiatives aimed at enhancing the lives of children and families.

Raising the B.A.R. parenting workshops address issues such as discipline, self-esteem, social media safety, family involvement, and others. Ready to Talk, our teen-focused session, examines parents’ and teens’ attitudes, developing heart skills, perceptions, practices, and decision-making processes regarding sexual activity.

Click here to learn more about Raising the B.A.R. and sign up for a workshop. 

To learn more about our Youth and Parenting programs, click here.

As a parent of a teenager, this conversation might sound familiar to you:

     “How was your day?”

     “Fine.”

     “That’s it? Just fine?”

     “Yup.”

These one-sided, one-word answer conversations can frustrate parents. We’re going to show you ways to show love to your teen, and get them to open up and communicate with you. 

Teenagers put walls up and are more interested in spending time with their friends than with their parents, and the parents don’t understand how to get their teen to confide in them. Even though you’re angry and frustrated, it’s important to use love and logic with teenagers. And equally important, is the parents’ unconditional love. In this article, we will discuss the following:

• You aren’t alone: Get to know your child’s friends and their parents **
• Single-parent homes where the parent works: Support system is crucial 
• Unique challenges faced by foster families
• Time and listening
• Love between parents: Don’t let teens pit you against each other. Talk through issues and present a united front; be willing to compromise.
• Unconditional love: Be their friend, less authority, more freedom, but not too much.  
• How much freedom is too much?

You’re not alone: Don’t be afraid to ask for help and set up a support network. As a result, this can be mutually beneficial.

A strong support network includes your teen’s teachers, friends and family, your spouse or partner, and the parents of your teen’s friends. Everyone needs a support system; people to listen, professionals to offer advice, and acquaintances who are going through the same struggles that you are, to listen and offer advice and help.

In addition, many communities have parenting support groups. Belonging to a supportive circle of friends can help ease your burden and give you a sense of empowerment.

Get to know your child’s friends and their parents. 

Chances are they are enduring the same struggles. As a result, connecting with the parents of your child’s friends, you can support each other and be part of your child’s life without being overbearing and intrusive. For example, when your daughter is growing through her teen years and you open your home to her friends and get to know their parents as well.

Be Strong International offers some great tips on building strong parent and teenager relationships:

https://bestrongintl.org/programs/the-secrets-to-a-great-parent-and-teenager-relationship/

Love between parents.

Don’t let your teen pit you against each other. Instead, talk about issues and present a united front. Be willing to compromise. Compromise means seeing things from your partner’s point of view and not always assuming that only your opinions are correct. Love between parents, and letting your teen see it, is important to providing a stable environment where your teen feels safe and loved.

Communication and listening skills are equally important.

Parent’s unconditional love towards their teen, along with love and logic, will foster effective communication.

Effective communication begins with listening. Let your teen know it is safe to open up to you. Now is the time to transition from parent to friend. The old adage, “Be their parent, not their friend” is not as effective anymore. Teenagers tend to be rebellious by nature. As a result, too strict parenting at this stage of their lives will often have the opposite effect of what you want. All too often, teenagers run away from home because their parents are too strict. The teen felt that their parents never listened and never tried to understand them. Remember how you felt when you were a teenager? As a result, this may help you better understand and help your teenager navigate the problems of adolescence. 

In addition, giving them more freedom will foster responsibility and a sense of empowerment in your teen. Show love and logic with teens as you set boundaries and explain your reasons.

Be their friend, less authority, more freedom, but not too much.

How much freedom is too much?

How much freedom you give your teen depends on several things like their age or emotional readiness. For example, you wouldn’t give the same amount of freedom to a thirteen-year-old that you would to an eighteen-year-old. This also depends on how much your teen is ready for. Each child is different. Get to know your teen by spending time with them and actively listening.

TeenRehab.org says to expect your teen to push the boundaries. Be ready to explain why you set those boundaries. This is another important reason for you and your partner to show a united front.

Time and listening

Active listening means you don’t prejudge. Here is where you need to transition from parent to friend (as long as they aren’t indulging in risky behavior). This is a fine line to walk, but it is important to reign in your emotions and show love and logic. Teenagers will respond in the same way.

Unique family dynamics such as single-parent homes where the parent works and foster families.

These types of homes are becoming more common: families where the parents have separated or divorced and where one or both parents work. Teenagers who are in foster homes have to deal with a whole distinct set of problems. This issue deserves an entire article dedicated to it, but we’ll cover it briefly here.

Single-parent homes where the parent works

Single-parent homes where the parent works are common. It’s difficult for single parents to keep tabs on their teens, but it’s not impossible. The teen might also feel resentful that their parent is not around as much as they would like. They may also split their time with the other parent, making it difficult for the parents to present a united front if they have different parenting approaches.

Fostering parents often have their own biological children in the home, and it’s difficult to plan for the future, as the fostered teen may only be in their home for a short time before returning to their birth family.

An effective support system is crucial.

Seek help from teachers, after-school program staff, and other parents. Be Strong International also offers tips and resources to help you find the best after-school program for your teen:

https://bestrongintl.org/programs/what-to-look-for-in-the-best-after-school-clubs-for-kids-today/

https://bestrongintl.org/programs/what-3-problems-do-most-single-parents-face/

Unique challenges faced by foster families

Being a foster parent can come with its own set of challenges when it comes to showing love to your and getting them to listen to you. They can include:

• Uncertainty about the future as judges or case workers might decide to send foster children back to their birth family.
• Visits from birth parents and siblings.
• These factors can disrupt the home life of the foster family.

Very Well Family lists more details on the unique challenges of raising foster, the family dynamics, and how to approach them. There is support for families of teens, no matter where you are.

In Conclusion

Finally, be patient. Change takes time. There will still be turbulent times with your teen, but if you show patience, use your support network, and listen with love, you and your teen will develop a stronger and better relationship.

Be Strong International offers a myriad of support and resources to teenagers, parents, and families in Miami-Dade communities. A helpful resource we offer parents of teens is “Raising the B.A.R.”

Raising the B.A.R

Our Raising the B.A.R. program helps support parents and families of teens by providing them with educational workshops, services, and resources to raise happy and healthy teens. 

For more information and to register for a workshop, visit Parent Workshops Calendar

Key Takeaways

Here are the key takeaways from this article:

• Communication 
• Active listening without prejudging 
• Unconditional love with teens 
• Support system
• Establish boundaries

Your teenager has returned to school after the summer vacation. At the beginning of the new school year, your teen may experience feelings of excitement or anxiety. However, you can make the most of this time by laying the groundwork for your teen’s academic success. As a parent, it is important that our teens be confident in themselves. As teens go through self-discovery and search for their place in the world, many encounter circumstances that test their self-beliefs. In this article, we will discuss ways to build self-confidence in your teenager and prepare them at the start of the school year.

Building Confidence and Self-Esteem

Children who were confident as kids may lose it as teens. Adolescence is often a time of self-doubt, poor body image, and insecurity for many. Good news: You can help improve low self-esteem in teenager, which in turn will benefit them in many other ways. Confident teens can handle peer pressure, navigate dating relationships, make good decisions, and recover from setbacks. Here are a few ways to help build confidence and self-esteem in your teenagers:

●    Show unconditional love

When we condition our love on our teen’s actions, we diminish the power of unconditional love and undermine the belief that they are worthy of our affection regardless of their behavior. Assure your adolescent that your affection for them is unconditional and unrelated to how well they achieve in school, the company they keep, where they attend university, etc.

●    Build confidence at home

A fixed attitude prevents many adolescents from expanding their sense of who they are and what they are capable of. Even though your kid seems to be rejecting the idea of improvement, there is always space for development. Discuss how the human brain is continually developing and expanding. Write down some thoughts on areas in which you’ve observed your adolescent develop. This will help with building self-esteem in teens and start building their confidence.

●    Make room for failure

A teen’s sense of self-worth can be directly tied to how their parents respond to the inevitable failures and setbacks they will eventually face. Criticizing, overreacting, or ignoring it will only convey a message that there is no room for growth as a result of their experiences. Stop worrying so much and talk to your teen about it. Teens are capable of overcoming challenges if they see them as opportunities for growth.

●    Develop new skills or interests

Although your teen’s brain is developing rapidly at this time, you may notice that they are having more difficulty in some areas than they were before. Insist that your teen perceive each difficulty or area of worry as a chance to develop new skills and broaden their horizons. Build on your teen’s interests to help them discover new skills.

●    Don’t let them give up

Teenagers may not always need to feel confident before embarking on anything new or difficult. If they commit fully to anything, they embrace a growth attitude and can gain confidence along the way.

●    Give reassurance

Teen’s often experience difficulties as they begin to transition into adulthood, but this does not make them bad people. You should reassure your teen that they are not bad for choosing an activity over having a romantic partner or ending bad friendships. Building self-esteem and confidence often means taking bold stands.

●    Create a safe space

If you want your teen to feel secure and confident, you should provide them with a safe environment in which to do so. Imagine different scenarios and act them out, varying your responses, voice volume, tone, and any nonverbal cues you use. When teaching teens self-esteem, those who struggle to communicate clearly, they can benefit from having a safe space to do so at home.

●    Encourage self-compassion

Encourage your adolescent to practice self-compassion if they are unable to break free from a negative or limiting mindset regarding their worth. To cultivate a healthy growth mindset, we must be kind and patient with ourselves as we continue to learn and grow. Have them install apps that promote mindfulness, come up with uplifting mantras, or write positive affirmations down in a place where they will see them frequently.

●    Explore different activities or interests

Teenagers who do a lot of different things, like sports, clubs, volunteering, and schoolwork, tend to feel better about themselves. They don’t let a setback in one area bring them down because they have other things that make them feel good about themselves. As a parent, if you continue to be supportive, reassuring, and optimistic, your teen will feel confident and capable in themselves.

●    Listen

To be empathic, you don’t need to agree with your teen. Do not judge, assume, or leap to conclusions. Focus on listening rather than being correct or having the last word as a parent. Listening builds self-esteem and self-worth in teens.

●    Model confidence

If your adolescent is watching you, they’re observing how you handle tough situations and how you feel about yourself. Consider your self-esteem and confidence, and be objective. Adopt a healthy mentality and seek experiences and activities that build your self-confidence.

Tips to Prepare for School

Keeping your teen interested in school and extracurricular activities can be accomplished by maintaining an active, but not overbearing, relationship with them Now, let’s examine some back-to-school tips and tricks that will help you and your teen transition into the new school year.

1. Prepare teen for school

Back-to-school preparation should begin at home, and parents can help their teen get off to a strong start by incorporating various back-to-school strategies and practices into their family’s regular activities. Breakfast, sleep, and limiting screen time are three ways that you can assist them in tackling the day without interfering with their increasing level of independence.

2. Help them become more organized

As any parent who has had to clean their child’s room can attest, no one is born with exceptional organizational skills. The ability to organize one’s life can lead to greater success in middle and high school, which can serve as the foundation for future success.

3. Prepare them for academic success

When you have more classes, there is also more material to study and more work to complete. Keeping on top of their homework can help students maintain control over other aspects of their lives. Every school night, adolescents may have assignments that take several hours to complete. Providing assistance to them in the management of their workload can go a long way toward assisting them in the organization of their lives.

4. Promote extracurricular activities

It is beneficial to a teen’s sense of belonging when they participate in extracurricular activities outside of the classroom, such as theater club, art club, or playing a sport. Teamwork and a sense of belonging are two important building blocks for self-confidence, and encouraging participation in organized school activities can help students develop both.

Be Strong International

Ensure that your teen is confident and prepared for a successful school year. Maintain close contact with your teen while also giving them the independence they require to grow into unique and strong individuals. As mentioned in our list above, boosting teenage self-esteem with activities is a great way to start. Be Strong International, for example, is an organization that helps teens navigate all areas of their lives.

Be Strong International is a non-profit organization based in Miami-Dade County with the mission of guiding individuals and families from brokenness to wholeness by providing educational services and resources to assist them in developing and maintaining healthy relationships. They are dedicated to assisting teenagers in becoming strong and thriving individuals in school and in life.

Their Project H.O.P.E. program assists teens and young adults in making better decisions about their relationships, character, careers, and finances. These interactive workshops are intended to guide and empower young people from public and private schools, churches, and community organizations. Every kid is welcome! This program addresses difficult topics and deals with real-life situations. The Project H.O.P.E. staff fosters an educational environment that is open, honest, realistic, and evidence-based. For more information about Project H.O.P.E, click here.

Their “After-School Club” program aims to guide middle school aged children by integrating holistic enrichment activities such as arts and academic support, as well as a unique curriculum that meets their social, emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical needs. For more information about the Be Strong After School Club, click here.

The “Girls Empowerment Mastery Sessions” (GEMS) program at Be Strong aims to provide teen girls with the tools they need to “find their voice” in all aspects of life, including social, emotional, mental, and physical dimensions. According to research, it is quite common for girls approaching adolescence to experience what is known as “loss of voice.” This is defined as the inability to fully express or value one’s own thoughts and feelings. This program will help her discover her own voice and building confidence in your teenager. For more information about the Girls Empowerment Mastery Sessions, click here.

If you have any questions feel free to reach out to us through our Contact Us page or write to us on the Chat Box located on the bottom right corner of this website.

The mission of bringing communities together is more vital today than ever before. The building block to unifying our communities begins with what is called social empathy. Social empathy is the ability to understand people by perceiving or experiencing their life situations and, as a result, gaining insight into structural inequalities and disparities. As author Elizabeth A. Segal states in her book “Social Empathy,”

“Our ability to understand others and help others understand us is essential to our individual and collective well-being. Yet there are many barriers that keep us from walking in the shoes of others: fear, skepticism, and power structures that separate us from those outside our narrow groups. To progress in a multicultural world and ensure our common good, we need to overcome these obstacles. Our best hope can be found in the skill of empathy.”

Social empathy opens the door to communication to build relationships within one’s community. So, let’s discuss why social empathy is important in bringing communities together and how you can exhibit empathy in your everyday life to those around you.

The Importance of Social Empathy

As humans, we are hardwired for social interaction and community. But somewhere along the way, our perspective on community shifted, and we now find it difficult to empathize with many people. We are social beings. We survive and thrive in communities because we rely on one another. We have a habit of getting involved in each other’s lives. But, to do so, we must be able to emote empathy for one another.

Even though we are more connected these days thanks to social media and the internet, we have actually begun to become less social and more introverted, desiring to be alone and closing our eyes to the small acts of violence and injustice that occur around us.

As reported on SocialEmpathy.org, a lack of social empathy can lead to:

• Bullying
• Violent crimes
• Child abuse
• Domestic violence
• Sexual assault
• Narcissism

And in a larger social construct, a lack of empathy can fester and grow into:

• Racism
• Prejudice
• Victim Blaming
• Distrust

To combat these negative empathetic restraints, it’s important that we get back to a place of showing empathy to those around us. It’s not about just retweeting or reposting on your social media accounts but through your actions. For meaningful change to occur, we must become more empathic to EVERYONE around us, especially those who think, look, or act different than us. Let’s take a look at ways you can become more socially empathetic.

How to Become More Socially Empathetic

Learn to empathize with yourself first if you want to increase your empathy. If you suppress your own emotions, it will be very challenging to comprehend another person’s emotions. Your capacity to comprehend what other people are thinking and feeling will steadily improve as you work to better understand your own emotions and those of others.

As you continue to develop your social empathy skills, you can begin to find more ways that you can be more empathic in your day-to-day life. Some great ways to start are:

• Become curious about people you don’t know.

Empathetic people are curious about those around them. They may strike up conversations with strangers or observe others with openness. They are people who kept that natural curiosity we all had when were children. This curiosity helps us empathize because it exposes us to different world views, lifestyles, and people we would not usually meet.

• Focus on similarities rather than differences.

Every single one of us has biases. There are always ways to put other people into boxes and make assumptions about them based on stereotypes or cultural stigmas. Doing this to others keeps us from understanding other people’s individuality and unique qualities. This can help us to better understand them.

• Put yourself in someone’s shoes.

For example, instead of walking past the homeless person in the train station and simply thinking about how unclean they look, try and get a better idea of their life. This could be anything from bringing them a meal or care package and saying “Hello”, to volunteering at a homeless shelter. Either way, immersing yourself in the lives and experiences of others is a great way to increase your empathy.

• Listen, but also share.

Empathy is not just about having empathy for others but also about showing ourselves to others. Trusting someone with your genuine thoughts and feelings is crucial to building a healthy and empathetic relationship with someone else. Empathy is fantastic because it is not just a one-way street. It can go both ways.

• Connect with social action movements.

Empathy doesn’t have to be just an individualistic concept. It can extend to large groups of people and exist in a global or community-wide plane. Getting involved in advocacy groups or charity efforts within your community is a great way to embody empathy.

• Get creative with it.

So often, people think that just because someone disagrees with them or if the other person lives a different lifestyle than they do, that person doesn’t deserve empathy. Using your imagination and creativity is essential when empathy seems hard or even impossible. Through your creativity, empathy is possible even when you didn’t ever think it could be.

Children and Empathy

It’s important to set an example for your child when trying to teach them empathy. The child will then have a better understanding of what empathy feels, sounds, and looks like. Children who experience empathy more often are more likely to extend it to those around them. Here are ways you can teach your children social empathy:

1. Discuss emotions openly rather than dismissing or burying them. If your child dislikes another child, do not immediately say, “That’s wrong,” but rather inquire as to why. Never punish a child who is upset or angry. Make it clear that all emotions are welcome and learn healthy ways to manage them.
2. Help others locally, globally, or at home. Activities for kids can aid in their development of empathy and kindness. They can also give kids the chance to socialize with people from different backgrounds, ages, and situations
3. Praise your child when he or she shows empathy for others. Emphasizing and encouraging empathetic behavior leads to more of it in the future.

Be Strong In The Community

Social empathy is a vital part of building a strong community. It enables us to have the capacity to overcome obstacles, to choose what type of community and society we want to live in and to determine how we might progress towards our common ideals. Every community needs people who are well-informed, empowered, and have emotional intelligence to use their voices to contribute to an open dialogue on social issues and other topics. “A strong community stems from healthy relationships between its members, Be Strong International is committed to providing education and resources to support and restore our communities.

Be Strong International is a leading non-profit organization that works with youth and families in South Florida. Be Strong International also works collaboratively with other organizations to provide community events that support families and children such as food drives, toy drives, and back-to-school supply drives.

Be Strong has created a social vehicle geared toward encouraging empathy within the community through a program called “Be Strong At The Table” (BSATT). BSATT is a unique relationship-building experience offered through a dining activity. This project is intently focused on increasing social empathy and encouraging healthy dialogue among community members despite their differences.

To learn more about Be Strong At The Table, visit https://bestrongintl.org/programs-old/be-strong-at-the-table/.

Social Yaks: The Social Empathy Game

Games are often played to have fun, to be challenged or simply to socialize with other people. Be Strong International used its expertise in healthy relationships to create a fun game tool that helps engage and connect people from all walks of life.

Social Yaks breaks the ice and inspires understanding. From light conversation starters to questions that dig deeper, each level pushes players to show insight and share feelings, experiences, and memories to create empathy towards one another and build stronger connections.

To learn more about Social Yaks, visit www.bestrongintl.org/social-yaks/.

For more information and updates on events and programs, follow Be Strong International on social media @bestrongintl or through their website https://bestrongintl.org.

After-school clubs have played an integral role in childhood for many years now. The last school bell rings and then we freely dash off to our after-school club or activity. In fact, in the beginning, it was just a means to supervise children while parents were still at work, but now it has evolved into so much more. As a result, it has become the norm and parents want to know what to look for in choosing the best after-school clubs for kids today.

Here are some key elements that should be considered in the decision-making process:

– Staff
– Environment
– Programs
– Self Development
– Relationships

Together, these elements will help in narrowing down your selection of clubs and activities and provide the assurance that you and your child need when choosing the best after-school club. Let’s dive in and take a closer look at each.

Programs

After-school clubs cover a wide range of activities and interests such as sports, hobbies, academics, etc. The school day accounts for the academic enrichment of your child, while after-school clubs provide more transformative experiences. Moreover, after-school programs can have a positive impact on a child’s emotional and social development. Children who participate in a variety of activities can improve their skill level, gain confidence, build healthy friendships, and discover new areas of interest.

Keep in mind that what may appeal to you on the list of clubs may not appeal to your child.

While you want to expose your child to new experiences, you also want to be mindful of who your child is; according to Roseanne Lesack, a licensed psychologist and the director of a child psychology clinic at Nova Southern University in Florida. You must ask yourself what do you want your child to get out of the program? Will it appeal to them? (Care.com) After-school clubs should not only benefit you as the parent but should also support your child’s interests and development.

After-school clubs can help to engage children in activities that will develop their academic, social, emotional, and professional skills — as well as teach your child to be independent. Having a well-established routine builds confidence, familiarity, and independence in children.

Research has shown that children who participate in a quality after-school program are more likely to attend and stay in school. They complete their homework on time and achieve higher grades. (WashingtonPost.com) In general, as a parent, you will applaud the effort made to encourage and motivate children to “get off social media and video games” and into clubs that expose them to activities they might not otherwise experience.

The activities that children and youth participate in outside of school hours are crucial to their overall development, placing a strong emphasis on the need for good after-school programs in every community. After-school programs are now in high demand, with almost 10.2 million children and youth participating in an after-school program each year, with 10 million attending summer camps and 6 million participating in programs from grade 4 up to high school. (Youth.gov)

Staff

When looking for the best after-school club for your child, look for one that has a great staff. You want to know that the staff at your child’s club not only enriches his or her life but is also trustworthy to look after him or her. Great staff will also hold your child accountable in the completion of activities or studies with adequate follow-through. You want somebody you can rely on to keep your child on track. Communication is essential in after-school staff-parent connections. Reports on a child’s progress and development may be given to parents by staff.

After-school staff and educators carefully arrange these programs to guarantee that children return. The best after-school programs recognize that schools alone cannot educate and care for our children but that their success is a collaborative effort with the schools and teachers to achieve this goal and produce activities that enhance and complement, but do not replicate, the school day.

Environment

Working families, single-parent families, and businesses alike, all benefit from after-school programs that provide a safe environment for children while they are still at work. The best after-school clubs will provide a caring and safe environment for kids. And participation in an after-school program results in increased adult supervision, which helps children feel safer and minimizes instances of being left unaccompanied with peers outside of school and engaging in risky behaviors.

A safe atmosphere is a key feature to look for in the best after-school programs. You want to make sure that your child is secure between the time that the last school bell rings and parents arrive home from work. You know where they will be, and you will have the necessary contact information in case you need to get a hold of them. There is no possibility of them leaving school unattended or unaccounted for if they have a scheduled activity to go to. (PikMyKid.com) Activities are supervised and organized allowing children to be monitored.

Relationships

An after-school club allows your child to meet new people and build new friendships. Being away from school might even provide a reprieve from the normal cliques or social pressures. Relationships both within and outside of school are critical to your child’s mental well-being. The best after-school clubs can develop your child’s interaction with their teacher or staff members.

Participating in an after-school program may help a kid learn how to communicate with others, build interpersonal skills, and learn how to be respectful to others.

The programs can help foster the development of positive character traits and teamwork. A solid relationship between the child and teacher or staff member will help them feel more at ease. Being able to trust adult figures at school makes the child more confident. The ability to trust adult figures in school encourages children to raise inquiries and share concerns. Opening this communication between a kid and a trusted adult has saved many from having to cope with difficulties such as bullying, poor self-esteem, or family problems on their own.

Self-Development

Many children battle with confidence, especially in their pre-teen and adolescent years. Participating in after-school programs with their peers encourages them to establish and sustain relationships. Some of a child’s best pals are developed during their elementary and middle school years. Getting out and participating in activities while also connecting with peers is a terrific way to build self-esteem in children and a great way to spend time.

There are also chances for kids to become leaders in their respective clubs or activity. Your child will develop a more active voice if they have solid communication skills and are assertive. According to a Boys and Girls Club survey, 82% of children in their program have participated in leadership roles such as student council, overseeing activities or aiding in the office. (Youth.gov) Many of the kids who participate in after-school clubs and extracurricular activities are preparing for a future that will set them apart.

Be Strong After-School Program

Now that we’ve discussed the key elements in choosing the best after-school club for your child, let’s introduce one.

Be Strong International is a non-profit organization based in Miami-Dade County with a mission to guide individuals and families from brokenness to wholeness through the use of educational services and resources that help them develop and maintain healthy relationships. Be Strong has a strong devotion to youth and parents in the communities and provides several programs that cater to them. Their program, the After-School Club, aims to guide middle school children through the integration of holistic enrichment activities such as arts, academic support, and a unique curriculum that meets their social, emotional, mental, spiritual, and physical needs. This club embodies all the important qualifications in your search for the best after-school club. The program includes:

– Academic Assistance by Certified Teachers
– Photography Classes
– Cooking Classes
– Dance Classes
– Heart Skills
– Field Trips
– Healthy Snacks
– Prizes
– Parent-Student Engagement Events
– End of Year Showcase
– And More!

For more information click here Be Strong’s After-School Club.  You will find a wealth of information about this program and others.

While you are here, be sure to check out Be Strong’s parenting programs that are aimed at helping to build healthy and strong parent-child relationships, whether you’re a single parent or a unit.

Be Strong International is always looking for volunteers to help lead the next generation and make a difference in their communities. Be a world changer click here to contact us for more information on becoming a volunteer.

Do you wish your family could spend more time together – real-time? Not just a few minutes in the same space as you lurch from one obligation to the next, but meaningful time. What parent doesn’t?

These days it’s harder than ever for families to spend quality time together, with so many demands on our time and energy. You may be working two or even three jobs to pay the bills, and by the time you get home, you just want to relax and watch TV. If you have teenagers, they’re probably working part-time or participating in after-school sports and clubs or managing to juggle work, school, and extracurriculars all at once. And always while scrolling through the screen on their phone. (You’re probably guilty of social media obsession too, right?)

It must seem like the only time your family spends with each other is in the car on the way to some obligation. Family dinner? Too often, it’s the drive-thru lane. Even when you’re together, everyone is so distracted they might as well not even be there.

But the busier you are, the more critical it is to make sure you’re engaging in meaningful summer family activities.

The good news is you don’t have to add a whole new set of activities to your already packed schedule. In fact, summer provides an excellent time to spend quality time as a family. And with a few simple changes, you can make your existing activities more meaningful as well.

We have some ideas. But before planning these summer family activities that will benefit both you and your children, it helps to understand why they do.

Why Family Time Is Important

It’s all about family engagement, which occurs when parents and children connect in a positive, loving, happy way. It can pay off in everything from school performance to social relationships and career success.

The most significant benefit may be your child’s grades. According to youth.gov, a U.S. government website that promotes healthy outcomes for youth,  research on family engagement in education “shows that parental or family engagement in a child’s education can improve their test scores, attendance, social skills, relationships, behavior and how a child feels about school . . . Kids who are connected feel safe, secure, supported and are ready to learn.”

Family time has that effect in other areas of life. Here are five ways it can strengthen family relationships:

It enhances family bonds

Spending time together can lead to stronger relationships within the family. As you share good times, you build positive memories, which create positive feelings. This strengthens the family’s bonds with each other, which you can call on in hard times. You see each other as a strong, cohesive unit, unified and robust enough to face challenges together.

It helps you, the parent, learn good parenting skills

It’s the parents’ job to model the behaviors their children will perform in adulthood. Seeing positive family relationships shows the children how responsible adults behave and demonstrates how enjoyable it can be to build a family. It also offers opportunities to show how to handle less happy behavior. Even the most fun activities can have stressful moments. Kids get tired and cranky; ball games get rained out; movies get sold out. Children who see their parents react calmly and rationally at these times are more likely to emulate the behavior when they become parents.

Engaged children have fewer behavioral problems

Children often misbehave because they don’t know any other way to get their parents’ attention. They are less likely to act out if their parents pay attention to them. This doesn’t mean devoting every spare minute to them, but showing them that you are available when they need you can prevent many behavior problems. If they know they can come to you with their problems and will listen without judgment, they are more likely to behave responsibly.

It helps keep kids away from alcohol and drugs

Again and again, research has found that family involvement has a significant impact on teens’ use of drugs and alcohol. “Generally, positive family influences, such as family bonding and consistent rules, appear to reduce the risk of tobacco, marijuana, and other drug abuse among teens, while negative family influences tend to increase risk,” the National Institute on Drug Abuse has reported.

It builds self-esteem

Youths whose parents spend time with them are happier and more confident. Healthy parent and child relationships result from the simple act of showing your child that they are worth your time. This will build their self-confidence in their ability to try new things and develop relationships outside the family.

10 Ideas for Summer Family Activities

You don’t have to create complicated family activities or spend a lot of time on them. Trips to Disney World, fishing outings, and ball games are great if you can afford them, but what kids want from you is just your time and attention. Maybe you’re hungering for more of your children’s attention too.

Here are 10 ideas for summer family activities that can begin strengthening your parent-child relationship. Some involve large amounts of time, but most are just ways to make existing activities matter more.

1. Play Together:

Stream a movie, play a board game or try some karaoke. Be sure to have plenty of refreshments. Make it a weekly event and let the kids take turns deciding what everyone will do.

Creating these weekly events like this during summer break will make it a habit your family can carry into the school year as well.

2. Take a Walk Together:

Or a bike ride or a swim or a skate – anything that gets you all outside in the fresh air and away from screens. Ask the older kids to help the younger ones if they’re a little shaky; it will raise both youths’ self-esteem.

3. Dine Together:

Try to sit down at least once a day for a meal together. Institute one simple rule: No screens! Put away the electronics (including yours) and talk to each other about current events, hobbies and activities or just how everyone’s day went. Consider asking everyone to answer an interesting question, like “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?” If dinnertime is just too busy, consider making breakfast the family meal. The day hasn’t had a chance to make any demands, and the meal can be simple and quick – not to mention no one can skip this “most important meal of the day.”

4. Pray Together:

You’ll stay together, or so goes the old saying. If religion isn’t your thing, try meditation or simply taking a few minutes together to relax and think.

5. Spend Time One on One:

Once a week or even once a month, one parent pairs up with one child, and they spend special time together. It’s a great bonding experience and gives the child a chance to open up to you without worrying about sibling interference.

6. Take a Family Vacation:

You don’t have to go far away or take a plane, with all the headaches and hassle it can involve. Many families say their favorite summer family vacations were the road trips they took in the car. You’ll probably want to allow screen time at some point just for everyone’s sanity, but consider declaring an electronics break and insisting that everyone talk to each other. Or how about one of those old-fashioned car games, like spotting the alphabet on license plates or roadside signs?

7. Make a Big Deal:

When birthdays roll around, don’t settle for an ordinary “Happy Birthday.” Make a big deal – no, make a HUGE deal. Decorate their room with confetti and balloons while they’re sleeping, so they’ll wake up to a birthday fantasy land created just for them. Or make a gigantic card that’s the first thing they see in the morning.

8. Make a Holiday:

It’s Billy Day! Make up a holiday in your child’s name and celebrate it on a Tuesday. If you want to make a child feel special, this is how you do it.

9. Coach Your Child’s Team:

Volunteering to lead their sports team or some other fun activity encourages them to participate, especially if they’re shy and uncertain about their abilities. Find some fun summer activities that you and your child can get involved in. They’ll be forever grateful that you care enough to help.

10. Read Together:

Make reading a happy experience for your children, and they’ll be hooked. Have a family reading night or a family book club where you discuss a book you read in the previous week. It doesn’t have to be a serious book; just make it something engaging and enjoyable. Reading time doesn’t have to be this formal, either; 30 minutes spent reading to or with your child at bedtime is more than enough.

Sidebar

Family Education: Raising the B.A.R.

To learn more strategies for strengthening your family relationships, consider taking parenting education classes. Parenting is a tough job, and the more help you get, the better a parent you’ll be.

You can find parenting classes online  like the ones offered by Be Strong International’s Raising the B.A.R. Parenting Alliance Program.

Raising the B.A.R. offers free online and in person workshops that include topics such as how to raise responsible teenagers, how to improve the communication with your children, positive parenting and more! To check out our workshops schedule and sign up, visit Raising the B.A.R. Parenting Alliance work shops schedule.

Honest communication is one of the secrets to a successful marriage, as any relationship expert will tell you. The advice is based on serious research, including the finding that happy couples communicate in a positive way. It only makes sense. You can’t expect to spend the rest of your life with someone if you can’t talk openly and honestly with them. To live as your authentic self and build a healthy marriage, you must be able to express your true feelings and beliefs, especially when they affect your partner. When problems arise, you must be able to start a conversation and say what’s on your mind so you can work out the issue together.

Knowing that is the easy part. How do you begin? There are some healthy ways to start a difficult conversation with your spouse. First, let’s explore why communication is critical to a strong marriage.

Why Communication Matters

According to a study published by the National Institutes of Health, communication is an essential factor in a married couple’s satisfaction with their relationship. Those who communicate in positive ways tend to be more satisfied with their marriage, according to the study’s authors.

Catherine Aponte, Psy.D., explores communication and other relationship matters in the book A Marriage of Equals: How to Achieve Balance in a Committed Relationship. She also writes the Marriage of Equals blog at Psychology Today. Aponte says open communication between spouses “is not a debate between partners’ preconceived notions about what is going on between the two of you . . . (but) is about [spouses] collaborating with each other by sharing perceptions, feeling, ideas, and thoughts so that they can come to an understanding of what is happening between them—what their joint reality is.”

Aponte offers five reasons communication is good for a marriage:

     It keeps you close to each other.

Couples drift away from each because they’ve stopped talking and sharing their ideas and opinions. Sharing openly can bring the two partners together.

     It makes everything clear.

Many disagreements and conflicts happen because one partner assumes they know what the other is thinking or feeling. They could be wrong. But they’ll never know if you don’t tell them what’s really going on.

     It helps you grow as a couple.

Talking with your spouse and sharing what you’re going through will help you grow together in your relationship. When you have nothing to say to each other, you can grow bored and uninterested.

     You’re more likely to be faithful.

Isolation creates fertile ground for infidelity. When you don’t talk to each other, it’s easy to forget why you were attracted to each other, and without sharing your thoughts, it’s hard to bring back those memories.

     Communication prevents divorce.

Lack of communication is the most common reason for divorce, Aponte points out. No wonder – if you aren’t sharing anything and you have nothing in common anymore, why stay together?

“When two individuals come together in marriage, they are committing to creating a life together,” Aponte writes. “But they are, after all, two separate individuals with their own likes and dislikes, values, beliefs, and ideas.” They have to share those ideas for the other person to understand them.

Types of Communication in Marriage

You can start improving your marriage relationship by understanding the three ways we communicate. Many marital issues arise because couples don’t realize the impact of these types.

     Speaking with Your Words

You might think this is the most straightforward form of communication, but it’s not as simple as it seems – especially when it comes to speaking up about a problem. In fact, when marriage problems occur, your spouse may even deny they exist. So to stay alert to marital issues, you must be in tune with the two forms of non-verbal communication.

     Speaking with Your Body

Body language is a crucial indicator of what someone is thinking or feeling. The way someone stands, how their body reacts when speaking or listening to you, and whether they make eye contact with you are powerful clues to what they’re really thinking. If you ask your spouse a question and they avoid your gaze or turn away when answering, for instance, it could mean they’re not being truthful. Learning to translate your spouse’s body language can help you build a strong marriage.

     Speaking with Your Actions

That old cliché is true: Actions speak louder than words, and you should pay close attention to the clues your spouse is sending you with their actions. A spouse who gives you little gifts when it’s not your birthday, who takes over household chores you hate, or gives you time with your friends is saying “I love you” without saying the words. A spouse who doesn’t keep their promises or isn’t there when you need them is saying something else. It could be time for marriage counseling.

Getting Professional Help

There’s nothing wrong with seeking outside help to heal your marriage problems. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy (AAMFT) has found a high rate of success for couples who use marriage counseling to improve their relationship. A great place to start is with the AAMFT’s Therapist Locator. If you have health insurance, you may be able to get help at little to no cost to you.

Even if you decide to seek professional marriage counseling, there are some strategies you can use now to develop your communication skills with your spouse and make your marriage stronger.

Top 7 Tips to Start a Difficult Conversation with Your Spouse

The best way to fix a problem is to acknowledge that it’s happening. But both you and your spouse must agree on what the marriage problems are before you can start working on them. That means having a difficult conversation. Here’s how to proceed:

    1. Plan what you want to say.

Don’t plan to “wing it” or improvise. What exactly is the problem, as you see it? Why is it a problem? These are questions your spouse is likely to ask, and you need to have an answer. But it will also help you to clarify the situation for yourself. Write down your thoughts, if possible, but don’t read them during the actual conversation. You need to speak from your heart, not from your notes.

     2. Pick the right time.

If you have children, choose a time when they’re not around or are occupied in another room so you can focus on your spouse and the issues you’re discussing. Avoid talking after the kids are in bed, however; getting them to sleep is sometimes a stressful experience, and you should both be in a relaxed frame of mind.

     3. Use positive body language.

Remember the importance of non-verbal communication. Pay attention to how your spouse’s body is receiving your words but be mindful of your own unspoken words too. Keep your arms at your sides. Be sure to look your spouse directly in the eye and keep your expression friendly and welcoming; you don’t have to smile if you’re not feeling happy but try not to scowl.

     4. Respectfully acknowledge your spouse’s point of view.

You can disagree with your spouse, but don’t dismiss their point of view without considering it and acknowledging they have a right to it. Ask them to explain their opinion and keep an open mind. You might find you agree with them once you understand why they feel that way.

     5. Listen at least as much as you speak.

To understand someone else’s point of view, you have to listen to what it is. Don’t let your assumptions color the way you speak about the situation. Ask questions and, more importantly, listen to the answers.

     6. Thank your spouse.

Start the conversation by thanking them for being willing to talk and thank them again at the end. Showing that you appreciate their time and believe in the need for effective communication will go a long way toward resolving your marriage problems. Often, just making an effort and confronting a problem is enough to improve your relationship. (It’s just the first step, of course.)

     7. Don’t expect change right away.

Be patient. Your first conversation about marital issues should not be about “fixing” a problem but should focus instead on recognizing the problem and agreeing to come together to fix it. Of course, some issues will have obvious solutions, but if you don’t arrive at one, you should feel good that you’ve taken the first step to solving it. For now, success need only mean deciding to work on the marriage problem together – and agreeing to keep talking about it.

Be Strong International’s Marriage Matters Program

Free help is available through Be Strong International’s Marriage Matters program, an eight-week series of workshops and seminars that help participating couples develop and maintain healthy relationships. Communication skills – both speaking and listening – are one of the program’s primary focus areas. Its evidence-based curriculum offers the best marriage advice available. And it’s fun – activities include a date night midway through the program, and the series ends with a meaningful graduation ceremony.

For more information on our program, visit our Marriage Matters Program on BeStrongIntl.org.

To contact us or register for our online-based Marriage Matters classes, click here.

What does it mean to have empathy? Empathy is the ability to imagine oneself in the situation of another, experiencing the emotions, ideas, or opinions of that person. In other words, putting yourself in someone else’s shoes — Understanding and feeling what the other person is going through without judgment or persecution. The current events of today, many times show a lack of empathy toward one another. Here we will discuss some tools you can use to help create empathy both for yourself and with the people around you.

Empathy is essential for building sound relationships at work and in your personal life. A person who lacks empathy is thought to be cold and self-absorbed. Empathy, on the other hand, is associated with warmth and caring. Empathy is partly innate and partly learned, according to research, but it can be improved by everyone. Here are a few ways to strengthen and encourage empathy. 

Ways to strengthen and encourage your empathy:

• Challenge yourself
• Get out of your usual environment
• Get feedback 
• Explore the heart, not just the head
• Walk in others’ shoes
• Examine your biases
• Cultivate your sense of curiosity
• Ask better questions

Relationships

Empathy not only allows you to understand others—it can also give you the motivation you need to make a difference. It can help with building relationships and communication with others. Whether that means consoling a friend, buying a small gift for someone who needs it, understanding other people’s cultures, or donating to causes, such as helping natural disaster victims, empathy becomes effective when you use it as motivation to do something about the problem.

When you see someone else going through a hard time, be sure to listen and share, but also clearly identify what you can do to help. The follow-through on empathy means initiating positive change for others. The beautiful thing about empathy is that when others begin to flourish, it improves your own life as well.

Social 

Empathy is a powerful force that helps maintain social order and cooperation. It is the mechanism that allows people to understand and relate to others. Empathy is a necessary precursor to intimacy, trust, and belonging. It is also the feeling that makes it difficult to turn a blind eye to the suffering of others. 

There are many benefits of being able to experience empathy:

• Empathy allows people to build social connections with others. By understanding what people are thinking and feeling, people can respond appropriately in social situations. Research has shown that having social connections is important for both physical and psychological well-being.
• Empathizing with others helps you learn to regulate your own emotions. Emotional regulation is important in that it allows you to manage what you are feeling, even in times of great stress, without becoming overwhelmed.
• Empathy promotes helping behaviors. Not only are you more likely to engage in helpful behaviors when you feel empathy for other people, but other people are also more likely to help you when they experience empathy. 

Empathic people experience many happiness benefits. Empathy often encourages altruistic behavior, and empathy-based kindness has been shown to increase cooperation and forgiveness, strengthen relationships, decrease aggression and judgment, and even improve mental and physical health. 

Not everyone experiences empathy in every situation. Some people may be more naturally empathetic in general, but people also tend to feel more empathetic towards some people and less so towards others.

Some of the different factors that play a role in this tendency include:

• How people perceive the other person
• How people attribute the other individual’s behaviors
• What people blame for the other person’s predicament
• Past experiences and expectations

Despite all the different factors that may affect one’s empathy level, there are many ways and many opportunities to improve it. It’s never too late to learn and change and become more empathetic to the people and circumstances around you — and just become an all-around positive person.

Social Yaks, the new social empathy card game!

If you are looking for a great way to help increase engagement among individuals and build social cohesion within communities, look no further than Social Yaks!

Social Yaks is a unique relationship-building card game created by Be Strong International, used to bring together people to build understanding and social empathy among each other. Social Yaks is great for all kinds of groups, from strangers to best friends, families, couples, or co-workers, because there’s always something new to learn about each other.

Real feelings, real connections, real fun!

Social Yaks is a card game that breaks the ice and inspires understanding! From light conversation-starters to questions that dig deeper, each level pushes players to show insight and share feelings, experiences, and memories. The result is a whole lot of empathy, connection, and genuine laughter. You’ll be amazed where each level can take your group!

To know more about Social Yaks click here or if you would like to purchase the game click here, go to our shop section and we will deliver it to you!

Get ready to laugh, cry and connect!

WARNING: THIS GAME HAS BEEN SHOWN TO INCREASE EMPATHY TOWARDS OTHERS. SOME USERS MAY CRY.

Once, you and your child felt like best friends. You played together, laughed together, shared sports or hobbies together. They seemed to look up to you, often bringing their friends to the house.

Then, you suddenly became the enemy. What happened?
Your child became a teenager, that’s what.

Starting around age 13 – but often sooner – children begin growing into adulthood by pulling away from their parents. Unfortunately, this sometimes seems to take the form of outright rejection of everything they once loved about your family.

It doesn’t have to be that harsh. When you understand why your teen is pulling away, you can take steps to build a healthy parent-child relationship even when your child is a teenager.

It’s Normal to Have Conflicts with Your Teen

First, understand that it’s normal for teens to go their own way without you. Even in healthy relationships, these can be rough years. In fact, it’s really a sign of a good parent-child relationship when the child pulls away, and the parent lets them find their new place in the world.

Think of this as your teen’s practice for adulthood. One day they will really be on their own. If they haven’t had any experience with independence, their natural development will be delayed.
But this doesn’t mean they don’t need you as a parent; they need you even more. They will make mistakes and fail; they will make bad decisions. You must be there to help them learn and hope they don’t repeat them.

It’s a delicate balance; being there for your child but still letting them make mistakes and learn for themselves. You’ll get through it more successfully if you remember that your child is not being defiant just to be defiant. At the same time, you cannot make your role in the parent and child relationship be about power. The days are over when you could tell your child to do something “because I said so.” Maintaining a healthy relationship is about recognizing and respecting each other’s points of view.

It’s not a power struggle, but you still have to be willing to give up some control.

Helping Your Teen Find Their Independence

For parents, this can be the hardest part of the teen years. You’ve made every decision in your child’s life – from the clothes they wore to the food they ate and the friends they played with. It wasn’t your choice – it would have been irresponsible of you not to take charge of these things.

Now you’re being asked to give up the decision-making to someone with no experience.

Building a healthy parent-teen relationship is a lot like when you taught them to ride a bike. You probably did this by holding the bike and running alongside it as they figured out how to find their balance. Then, after a few minutes, as you realized they were ready to ride alone, you let go and watched them pedal away from you.

It was a proud moment. And a scary one. What if they really weren’t ready after all? What if they fell off and got hurt? What if they rode too far, crossed into an intersection, and got hit by a car?

If you’ve prepared them and yourself properly, these concerns won’t be real hazards. For example, you probably didn’t just let your child ride off alone; you ran alongside them, not holding the bike but being close by if they needed you. You were there to grab the bike if they started to cross into the intersection or stop them if their brakes failed or forgot how to use them.

You may find it’s hard to know when to pull away completely; your teen may feel like you don’t trust them if you hover too close. Many adolescents complain that their parents don’t let them be themselves but expect them to conform to a particular image and plan for their lives. Maybe the parents want their child to pursue a specific career or the parents’ choice of college. These plans may even be something the family has agreed on for years, but suddenly the teen has changed their mind.

It’s difficult, but you must accept that your teen is an individual capable of making good decisions about their life can be challenging. Still, you must do it. You can still guide their choices and be there to offer advice. In fact, you may find that the less control you try to exert, the more they will seek your help.

Resolving Parent-Teen Conflicts

Should you expect your struggles with your teen to last forever – or until they leave home? Sometimes you may feel the conflict will never end, but it is possible to reduce the friction. Most of that responsibility falls on you, of course.

Success begins when you realize that it’s your child’s job to grow up, which means growing away from you. It’s your job to help them achieve independence, the way you once helped them learn to walk and talk; they walked away from you, and they said things you didn’t always like, but you both did your job.

If you find your relationship issues are harder to resolve, you may need professional help. It may be time to seek family counseling, or you may just want to take some parenting classes.

One source of help is Be Strong International’s parenting education program, Raising the B.A.R. Parenting Alliance. Raising the B.A.R. (Budding Adult Relationships) is a free parenting workshop program that helps caregivers learn how to raise happy, healthy children. It offers workshops through The Children’s Trust, which supports community programs improving the lives of children and families.
Raising the B.A.R. parenting workshops cover discipline, self-esteem, social media safety, family involvement, and similar issues. Sessions include the teen-focused Ready to Talk, which analyzes attitudes, perceptions, practices, and the decision-making processes of both parents and teens about sexual activity.

Even with professional help, you’re bound to feel some stress from the changes in your parent-child relationship. But, you’ll find it’s worth going through. In the end, you may find your connection will be stronger and more rewarding. There’s nothing like sharing time with your adult children, who’ve become strong, independent people because you let them find their way.

Once you understand how normal it is for your teen to test you and even reject you, you can relax and enjoy watching them grow toward adulthood. (Yes, there will be some enjoyable moments.) Your adolescent will probably survive the teen years and turn out just fine – and so will you.

Healthy Relationship Tips for Parents and Teens

Try these five ways to strengthen your relationship with your teen:

Give them some space.

Your teen wants and needs to spend time apart from you and the family, building friendships and developing their sense of self. And face it: You just aren’t cool. So treat them like the adult they’re becoming and show them you trust them to act apart from you. Just stay aware of who they’re hanging out with and what they’re doing, because they’re bound to make some mistakes.

Understand that your relationship has probably changed.

Part of growing up is breaking away from old relationships. Remember when you used to call your teen by a funny nickname and all the good-natured teasing you used to do with each other? Well, that’s over – or soon will be. Respect the fact that your pre-teen is now a full-fledged teenager and probably doesn’t go for all that silly stuff anymore. Be especially aware that yesterday’s harmless teasing could be today’s humiliating insult for a sensitive teen.

Keep spending time together.

Your teen is still part of your family, and, believe it or not, they do want to spend time with you. It makes them feel more secure, knowing their family cares about them. It also gives them a safe space to relax and not worry about having to show how cool they are. Sharing meals, going on family vacations and outings, or watching TV together can strengthen your bonds.

Show interest in what they’re doing.

Ask them about school or work, sports if they’re into that, or hobbies they’re pursuing. Make sure you’re expressing genuine interest and engaging with them authentically; otherwise, your questions will seem like an interrogation. They’ll wonder why you suddenly care what they’re doing. If they still don’t want to talk, despite your sincere approach, back off until they’re ready.

Stop talking and just listen.

Be open to your teen talking to you about what’s on their mind or just chatting about the day’s events. Let them lead the conversation. If they come to you with a problem, don’t jump in with a solution or assume they’re looking for one. Instead, respond empathetically, showing them you understand their situation. Even if they ask for an answer, try to guide them to find it themselves; that’s what they’re really asking for.

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Are you a Hater, A Cheerleader of A Collaborator?

By Michelle Shirley

CEO & Chief Heart Officer at Be Strong International

Are you a hater, always comparing yourself to someone else and getting upset when someone else wins? Are you unwilling to find synergies with other entities that would help you accomplish similar goals?

I used to be a hater. I definitely would have joined Haters Anonymous if there was such a thing. I confess that I was a hater when I saw other victories by competitors; I hated the way I felt for hating.

Everyone knows what being a hater means, but we are not all open to saying that we may be practicing “haterism” at some point. Maybe you have never been a hater; that’s a great thing.

I remember nearly 10 years ago when I was voted in by the board to take the reins at Be Strong International, and how excited, nervous, and scared I was. Not only did I have big shoes to fill, but I also had to fill my office with people to do all this community work with very little funding! I had only seven people with me, and we were taking on so much! We had grant requirements to meet, and I had to constantly search for funding to supplement the additional items needed to keep the organization afloat. It was a tough first year, but I was determined to make my predecessor proud.

I remember spending countless nights writing, reading, and researching as I wrote my own grant proposals, only to see a competitor get the same grant I had applied for. To make it worse, I would then look at their website and tell myself how much better they were than Be Strong. I would wallow in sorrow for a day or two before I got back up again. This pattern continued for a few years until I started to realize that this emotional roller-coaster was harmful to my personal and professional growth.

BIRTH OF A HATER

Looking deeper into why I thought this way, I realized that as a kid growing up, I was expected to perform well academically and not bring home anything less than a C. If I didn’t do well, I would definitely walk the plank of sadness when I got home. Feeling this sort of pressure and aiming to be the best never afforded me the space to celebrate someone else’s triumph. Working on this could have helped me be more emotionally stable in the beginning stages of my business.

THE POWER OF COLLABORATION   

In the non-profit space, many entities in a local geographic area are competing for the same limited funding as we work toward fixing the social ills that plague our world. I had to change my mindset and know that if someone else came into our space and won funding over us, it was OK. We were still one step closer to getting people the help they needed to live a more prosperous, fulfilling life. That’s what really mattered. And I had to keep that at the forefront of my mind.

As I matured in my role personally and professionally, I came to understand that the need at times was so great, no one agency could ever do it all. I then started to collaborate with others to help meet the needs of the community members who needed help the most.

CHEERING ON THE TEAM

I have realized that there just aren’t enough cheerleaders around who genuinely congratulate leaders, managers, or support team members on their wins or on the impact that their organization is making. I then unknowingly became an advocate for local leaders that I knew, helping them get into a funding pool, assisting with their business needs, and just being a mentor to them without expecting anything in return.

How did this change happen? When I learned four essential lessons:

1. It is much more rewarding and fun to help someone else achieve their goals or give them the advice needed to fuel their passion for good!
2. It is such a relief to let go and realize that whatever the heavens have aligned for you will be destined for you, and no one can take that away from you. Of course, nothing comes without some faith and hard work on your part, but there is a time when you must realize certain things are out of your control. Work hard and do your best with what you can control and let the heavens decide the rest.
3. Being a cheerleader for someone else is one of the best feelings in the world. Even the best leaders need to know sometimes that someone is in their corner. People need to know someone supports them and the hard work they have put into their idea or business. It’s so rewarding to know that your encouraging words can help to give someone the strength they need to keep going and reach their best next level.
4. No one person has all the answers. I’ve learned so much through collaboration with other entities. I have done much more service to communities through collaboration than I could ever do alone. No one is an island, especially when it comes to social issues!

I’ve come such a long way into the cheerleader and collaborator status, and I am thankful for the people along the way who have helped me become the beautiful soul and leader that I am today. I’ve made lots of mistakes, but I’ve made lots of friends and I hope that I continue to be a blessing to everyone who comes my way.